After Samhain, Ram's Follow up to NBTOMH
by Alfonsina.d
Summary: The follow up to Nothing But Time On My Hands ... Begins directly after Ram's ending. Stephanie/Ram pairing. Rating for religious overtones, sexual situations and conversations. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimers: I own nothing, no profit made, no harm and no foul.

Author's Note: This is the follow up to Nothing But Time on My Hands and begins immediately after Ram's ending. This will be a Steph/Ram pairing. No MM have been harmed in the making of this story.

Thanks as always to the bevy of Betas ... you know who you are and have made a huge difference in the making of this story; some of you are directly responsible for helping make it happen.

**After Samhain …**

**the follow up to Nothing But Time on My Hands**

**Ram's Pairing Chapter 1**

Several months ago, I wouldn't have thought I'd be dating someone new. I hadn't expected to date anyone at all. In my estimation, the eligible bachelor pond had been drained. Joe had moved away, Ranger never made use of his famed opportunities, and Woody had found the love of his life. I had determined to buy a cat when my hamster, Rex, died. I don't think it's fair to have predator and prey in the same apartment together.

For years, I'd allowed myself to be blinded by the TDH Ranger. TDH stands for tall, dark and handsome, of course. Ranger appears to have no physical flaws other than some scarring provided by others. Ranger had built his body and life to marble perfection, sadly, the marble encased his heart as well as his body. There was no getting past the walls he'd erected and it was doubtful anyone could ever gain entry.

Ranger and I danced around each other and couldn't seem to break the cycle until he made some rather crude assumptions at the office. That day he shattered whatever hopes I may have had of a different kind of a relationship. It was made clear to me that I was going to have to find happiness myself and not wait for a someday with him.

Someday is like tomorrow. Someday never comes. At least, I don't think it does. Someday isn't a holiday on any calendar I've seen. There are no Someday cards sold in cardshops. There are no special sales in honor of Someday. Someday is like Santa, a nice idea, but doesn't really exist anywhere. Someday lives in the hearts of romantics and sixteen year old girls, I far exceed the age limit to believe in Someday.

What happened with Joe? He finally realized that we would never be good in the long term. We'd been on again and off again more times than I could keep count. There was no big explosion or fight, just a sad realization that oil and water can join for a brief time, but separate quickly. When an offer to move out of town had fallen in his lap, he'd jumped on it as quickly as he could.

In so many ways, Woody would have been the perfect man; a teddy bear in SWAT blacks. When he'd looked for his soulmate, he'd asked me to help. While I helped, I realized he'd been fun, funny and engaging. He accepted me at all levels, he had become my rock. I fell in love and couldn't bring myself to tell him. He and I are of different belief systems, so it made me more than a little afraid to pursue him. I was fine with his beliefs, but he was probably looking for someone closer in background. Conversion wasn't really something I wanted to do for any man.

Shortly after my realization about Ranger, someone who was voiceless and faceless reached across the aisle to me and offered friendship. No strings, no requirements, no expectations; friendship plain and simple was the offer on the table. Actually, in the beginning it was a show of support that became more. Later I found myself more and more relying on this unknown someone who e-mailed me and sent me the odd gift or gift certificate.

I'd wanted to meet this e-mail friend, but the thought of it terrified me. He could've been a serial killer. He could've been an eighteen year old boy who was trying to act mature. For that matter, he could've been several guys combined doing it as a joke or a gag of some kind. To say that meeting 'him' had me on pins and needles is an understatement. I was scarred witless, but I also know that without great risk, there can be no great reward.

Almost as soon as I'd agreed to an actual time to meet him, I found myself thrown into a Cinderella experience. A fancy dress was provided along with appropriate accessories and a car was sent to pick me up and deliver me to meet my Prince Charming. The location was an unknown, just like Cindy not knowing what would be in store at the castle.

I can't remember if I was more nervous on my wedding day. However, this was a challenge and I don't back down from those. The worst thing that could possibly happen would be that I would spend an evening out with someone I'd never see again. The fairy tale would end and my sense of worth would be restored.

In the end, my acquaintance turned out to be someone I wouldn't have expected, but someone I'd secretly hoped for. It was Ram and I couldn't have been happier. We fit together like an old pair of shoes; the favorites you wear when you know you have marathon shopping to do. Around the office, before I knew who my 'friend' was, Ram and I started spending a lot of time together on the range. There was just light banter and gentle teasing, but he didn't let me get away with sloppy work and I found myself trying hard to please him.

In late summer, early fall, we did a distraction posing as a couple, and it turns out I'm the one who got distracted. He played the role of attentive boyfriend incredibly well. There had been kissing, touching and provocative rubbing that night; I was so turned on that I wished the skip wouldn't show and we could continue our 'date'. Lord, that man can kiss. He had my internal temperature up so high, it took three days for me to cool down.

We officially met on Halloween night, my favorite holiday. I love everything about Halloween, the crisp air, the costumes, the freedom to be someone else for the night, not to mention the candy. Turns out this year I got eye-candy for Halloween. There is something about a chiseled jaw, a cleft chin and eyes that are full of mischief that makes my heart go pitter patter. The fact that he has a strong body that rivals any of the fitness models is just a bonus.

Because Ram is a witch like Woody is, it gave me a little bit of pause. Woody hadn't told me out right I'd need to convert, but he told me how important his religion was to him. Ram told me out of the gate that he kept his religion mostly in his heart and wasn't traditional in some of the ways he observed his faith. He'd proven his non-traditional bent on Halloween; he took me to dinner, wined me, dined me and went home. For him it was a way to honor everything about me without the pressure of engaging in sex.

xx

Sunday afternoon, Ram called. He wanted to catch a bite to eat. When I asked if he wanted to do take out and see a DVD, he declined.

"I'd rather be with you in a public place," he said quietly.

"Why? I mean I know my apartment isn't all that great, but we could go to your place," I said.

"That's not what I mean. I'm trying to take my time with you. I don't want to push a physical relationship on either of us."

"Oh."

"I think we're too old for chaperons, but I'm trying to stay out of the direct line of temptation. Please?"

I've never been able to resist a man who uses please, so I acquiesced. We went to a little Greek place, had salads and split an entrée. We completed the evening by taking a walk in the park. He escorted me back to my apartment, but initially declined to come inside.

"Not even for a few minutes?" I asked wondering how long it might take to talk him out of his pants.

He shook his head slowly. "I was serious the other night. I want to be sure you know you're with me and not Ranger. I know you think you are ready for something new, but I need some time."

"I know you're not Ranger; you talk. You can even use complete sentences," I said with a smile.

"I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of the situation."

Great. He's a gentleman and I'm going to be left high and dry.

"Will you let me kiss you good night?" I asked.

"I'd like that."

I maneuvered him so his back was against the wall with his legs spread. I walked between them and began to kiss him. I started at his cheek and moved my lips down his jawline until I reached his lips leaving tiny kisses in my wake. I kissed one corner of his mouth and then the next. I was taking my time and enjoying it. I wasn't going to be the only one who was frustrated when it was over.

He stopped me from intentionally missing my target and took control of the kiss. His tongue had a very slow but steady rhythm. That rhythm traveled from lips to hips. I wasn't aware of undulating at the same tempo, I was just doing that which came naturally. All I was conscious of was the heat from his body and the textures under my fingers and the taste of his lips.

Someone moaned; I think it was me.

He heard the moan and was treated it like a bell in a boxing ring; he immediately disengaged.

"Evan…" what else I was going to say, I wasn't quite sure.

"Good night, Steph. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

To say I was disappointed was an understatement. Maybe he was following the three date rule. You know, no sex until you've had at least three dates. If he was counting the way I was, the distraction counted as one, Halloween counted as two, and tonight should have been three. Maybe he started counting from the other night, which meant the next time together would be three. I mentally and emotionally, I could live with that; I wasn't sure how well my body was going to do with it though.

xx

Before I went to work on Monday, I made sure I spent a little extra time on my hair and makeup. I even added a touch of perfume, not that anyone else would appreciate it. There wasn't a lot I could do about my work clothes; the uniform was the uniform. I had the joy of wearing basic black everything, at least the stuff that was visible. I did wear extra lacy undies and a matching bra though; they made me feel like a girl.

I checked my e-mail first thing to make sure I hadn't missed anything important over the weekend. It didn't appear that there was anything out of the ordinary; just standard reports and searches. Before I knew it, my computer beeped at me to remind me it was time to go to the range. For the first time in I don't know how long I was excited to spend time there. I hadn't dreaded it the last couple of months, but I hadn't been excited to go either.

I was about to leave my desk and head downstairs when Ranger called my extension.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked.

"Can you come into my office, I want to go over something with you," he said.

At least it wasn't the dreaded 'we need to talk' I'd heard so much in my life.

"Sure. Do you want me to come now or after I'm done at the range?" I really wanted to see him after I'd seen Ram.

"Now."

Once again, there was no 'good bye' or any kind of a sign-off. Then again, Ranger never was known for his phone manners.

I walked to Ranger's office and knocked on the door frame, he was grunting into the phone. He indicated that I should enter and sit at the chair in front of his desk.

"Do you want me to close the door?" I asked getting out of my chair.

He shook his head as Ram walked into the room.

"Hey," I said quietly.

Ram gave me a small nod and a tiny smile as he took the neighboring chair.

"Close the door, Ram," Ranger said quietly after he hung up the phone.

Suddenly I felt like we'd been naughty school children and we were in the principal's office. I'd had to sign a new contract with Rangeman a couple of months ago and didn't see any clauses about fraternization, so I really hoped that this wasn't about the fact I might be dating Ram.

"I don't want the two of you working on the range together anymore," Ranger said.

"Why? I'm finally comfortable and doing well there," I said. "We've been working really hard."

"Exactly. You no longer need to be on the range every day for two hours. There are better ways for you to utilize your time, unless you want to start shooting competitively."

"Do you want to compete?" Ram asked. I knew he wanted me to do it. I knew he wanted to coach me; it would look good for both of us.

"No. I'm just glad I no longer hate my weapon."

"That was the purpose of having you spend so much time there, mission accomplished. Now you will be using that same time on the mats with Caesar learning hand-to-hand combat and self defense techniques."

"I can teach her. I've already done some work with her; there's no reason to stop. Besides, I trained Caesar," Ram said tightly.

"Are you dating Caesar?" Ranger asked looking directly at me.

"No."

"Are you dating Ram?"

I looked at Ram before I answered, "Maybe. I don't know. I'm not the only one who's making that decision."

Ranger raised an eyebrow and looked at Ram. "Do you plan to date her?"

"Yes," Ram said with no hesitation.

"Then you can't teach her or coach her anymore, unless you are the only one here."

"Why?" I asked. I felt like I was being punished. No. I knew I was being punished.

Before Ranger could answer, Ram beat him to the punch. "He doesn't think you'll listen to me. He thinks I'll distract you."

"But …" I started to say.

Ram interrupted me, "He's probably right. You should work with someone who has no bias and won't let you get away with anything."

"But you never …" I said.

"No I never let you get away with anything, but it might change now. He's looking out for your best interest and the company."

I glowered, I had just lost my chance to spend alone time with Ram and Ranger was my obstacle.

"Who is going to make sure I keep my firearms skills sharp?" I asked trying not to pout.

"Zip will work with you once a week, more if it's deemed necessary," Ranger said.

Ram looked like he didn't agree with Ranger's choices, but he said nothing.

"Is there anything else?" Ram asked.

"No, you can go. Stephanie, I need for you to stay for a minute."

After Ram left the room, Ranger closed the door.

"Babe," he said softly, "are you sure about this?"

"No," I said.

"Then why?"

"I'm never sure of anything in my life, you know that. I told you that I was ready for something with someone. I don't think you'll ever be ready and I don't want to wait any more."

He looked at me like I'd just taken a knife to him.

"If I could ever be ready for someone, it would be you," he said. "I wish things could be different."

"So did I. Ranger, someday is a great dream, but I want something that's real. Ram is real, you are a dream. An incredibly sexy and wonderful dream," I said smiling at him, "but you're just a dream."

"I won't stop you from dating him, but I won't have you working together. Couples tend to have distractions when they work together."

"You don't have any couples that work here, Ranger. The only gay man I know of is Hector."

"Don't be so sure there aren't couples here, or that Hector is necessarily gay."

"Who else …" I wanted to know who.

"It doesn't really matter, Stephanie. No couples work together."

"But we worked together, a lot."

"We were never really a couple, Babe. We both know that. If we were, there's no way you'd be considering dating Ram."

He was probably right.

"I'm having a utility closet next to the gym converted for your use. I think it would be better for you if you didn't use my apartment to shower up in any more."

"Afraid you might tempt me?" He was always tempting in one way or another.

"No. I don't want the temptation. I'm trying to give you a chance at something with Ram."

"In that case, no poaching," I said rising from my chair. Part of me didn't want to say it, part of me knew it was better to be up front about it. Morelli had tolerated it, just. Ram wasn't Morelli and was Ranger's equal in size, strength and ability. If Ram and Ranger went at it, things could be bad all the way around.

Ranger stood next to me.

"I'll try to remember," he said as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. He closed his eyes and said, "I wish things were different. If only…"

"I know about 'if only'. Thanks for understanding, Ranger," I said kissing him on the cheek.

I opened the door and saw Ram loitering outside it.

"Everything OK?" he asked.

"Yeah. It's just going to be a little strained for a while. I'm going to miss not being able to see you every day," I said quietly.

"Who says you won't see me? We just won't be alone here is all."

He was right, of course I'd still see him. Neither of us had lost our jobs. Neither of us was being transferred to a different office. It was just that now things were different. Seeing Ram at the office was going to be somewhat akin to standing in front of a candy store, I'd be looking, mouth watering, and not tasting or touching. It would be hard, but if he could do it I could do it too.

He headed back to the range and I headed back to the cubicle farm.

Thanks as always for reading and reviewing...Alf


	2. Chapter 2

All the standard disclaimers apply. To all my beautiful betas, thank you as always for bringing this story to life; you believed in it when I had tremendous doubts

**After Samhain …**

**the follow up to Nothing But Time on My Hands**

**Ram's Pairing Chapter 2**

**by Alfonsina  
**

I found myself dreading going to the gym to work with Caesar. He wasn't very tall, just a couple inches taller than me but the man was powerful. He probably blew up hot water bottles to expand his lung capacity. I think he event bent pipes around his neck to amuse small children at birthday parties. It's not that I'm afraid of Caesar, but I don't have a lot in common with him. Then again, I didn't have a lot in common with a lot of the guys.

My calendar had been updated by the powers that be in the IT department to reflect my schedule changes. I was supposed to meet Caesar at the gym from 3:30 until 5:00. I guess Ranger was really serious about me not showering at his place after I got done at the gym. I was going to have to start keeping a bag with workout clothes in my car or find out if Ranger was going to arrange some kind of a locker for me to use when the remodel got started.

When I arrived for my first lesson with the unbiased Caesar, I was in my uniform. It was a little looser from the yoga I'd been doing, but it wasn't baggy by any stretch of the imagination.

"Not going to dress out today, Steph?" he asked. "I was hoping you'd come in some short shorts or something bearing your midriff."

"Not an option. Sorry. I'll have appropriate clothes tomorrow."

"So you know, orange is my favorite color."

Like I was going to pick out clothes to impress him when we were supposed to be working on skills; what an ego.

Instead of immediately getting to work on holds, kicks, and assorted defense moves, Caesar wanted to talk. We discussed things I had learned from Ranger, Ram and on the job, stuff that worked and things that had backfired. There was a brief dissertation on levels of awareness and how I should expect the unexpected. We talked most of my allotted time, in some ways I was relieved.

The next several days were very much the same as they had been before Halloween. As a matter of fact, Ram was continuing to send e-mails, but now they were pretty much just a quote for the day and he signed them with an "E". It was sweet and endearing. When I saw him around the office, we'd loiter around each other but there were no PDAs. Maybe he'd changed his mind and it was just going to be friends; well nothing ventured.

Thursday he sent an e-mail asking if I had plans for either Friday or Saturday night. He ended it by saying he'd understand if I did; his ex-wife got him a copy of a book called The Rules. Evidently there were rules unbeknownst to me on how to date if you were hoping to get married. She wanted him to know what he might be up against.

I replied that he knew I wasn't a big reader and my social calendar was open. I ended the e-mail with an S. It felt odd not to use the P any more, odd but good.

We decided on a dinner out after work on Friday; maybe we'd do a movie and maybe not.

Caesar was still my last official task at the end of a Rangeman workday. We were still more about talk and theory than actual exercise. I was almost surprised he didn't bring in old Bruce Lee movies so we could dissect the fights. In my mind it was a mixed bag of tricks, I wasn't getting hot, sweaty or dirty but I wasn't learning anything either. If Ranger just wanted me to sit around and talk with the guys, he should have let me know that and provide coffee and pastries.

Friday afternoon, Caesar was still asking questions but they'd turned personal and uncomfortable. Did I feel I could use deadly force to save my own life? _Yes_. Did I ever use too much force when trying to subdue a skip? _Probably not, in the past I usually wound up bruised when things went wrong._ What did I think the best targets were on a man? _The ego first and then the gonads, naturally_.

At least we were mixing the questions with some easy kicks and punches. He spent a lot of time trying to adjust my body the way he wanted it instead of showing me by example. His hands were gentle, but he didn't exactly place them where he might have with other students. Since Caesar was supposed to be unbiased, I treated this like it was a necessary evil.

When we were finally done, I headed out of the gym only to find myself suddenly jerked back by my belt loops. I was thrown to the floor and rolled onto my back. Caesar's full body weight had me pinned and he had control over both of my hands. His eyes were shining, and not in a good way.

"You weren't paying attention to things and people in your environment, were you?"

I started to squirm and struggle; this wasn't right. I hadn't been all that observant, but surely he wasn't going to start training me with this shit now, was he? The jackass even had my legs pinned under his so I couldn't maneuver my knee to get him in the groin.

It felt like he was on top of me for hours. It could have been several minutes, but it was probably just a few very long seconds. The harder I struggled, the better he seemed to like it. He was so heavily on my chest that whenever I tried to yell or even talk, my breathing was compromised. At best, my breathing was shallow and coming only in slight pants.

"Steph, are you done?" Ram called into the gym. "I wanted to see if you were ready to head to out dinner."

"Uh, yeah," I tried to say, but I was barely able to get my breath.

"Arviso," Ram barked as soon as he realized I was on the floor under Caesar.

What was that? Did Ram speak Spanish, too?

"Just having some fun man. I always wanted to know what it would feel like if she was squirming under me," Caesar said as he raised himself off of my body. "I really like working with her. Damn she feels good when she's on the ground."

I felt sick about what he was saying; sick and pissed off. What an asshole. He might be unbiased in Ranger's eyes but not in mine. I needed to get my breath back so I wouldn't be too dizzy when I ripped his nuts off his body.

Ram offered me his hand so I could get up. "Steph, you OK?" he asked when I was in the upright and locked position.

"Just need to catch my breath."

He whispered, "Are you sure?"

I gave him a small smile and nodded. "Just glad to be out from under him. I need to pay closer attention to things all around me, not just in front of me."

Ram turned to face Caesar and asked quietly, "Do you have fun with all of your students, Caesar?"

"Sure."

"Really? You pin them and lay on them for minutes on end?"

"Uh, no. Like I said, I always wanted to know how she would feel squirming…"

Caesar probably planned to finish that sentence and cast me in a less than wonderful light. Ram's fist made contact with Caesar's jaw at that precise moment knocking Caesar on his ass.

While Caesar was down, Ram got him into what looked to be a very uncomfortable hold.

"Apologize to Stephanie," he gritted out.

"It's not like she's your piece …" he sucked in a shallow breath. "Let go man. This shit isn't funny."

Ram tightened his grip and said, "She _deserves_ your respect whether she's with Ranger or not. It shouldn't matter if she's attached to any one of us, she is to be respected at all times. Do you understand?"

Because of my _relationship_ with Ranger, there had been an unofficial hands-off policy. I don't know when it became clear that I wasn't Ranger's and wasn't apparently anyone else's, but the policy seemed to have been rescinded, at least in Caesar's mind.

Caesar started gulping for breath which wasn't coming easily to him.

"Evan," I said softly as I came up behind Ram. "Evan, you should let him up. Ranger's insurance will go up if you hurt him."

"I'll pay for the damage," Ram said.

"No. He's not worth hurting. Let him up so I won't have to worry about you tonight."

"Steph, call the control room and have them save the tape of your 'training' session. Looks like we're going to be having a sexual harassment seminar with sensitivity training courtesy of Mr. Arviso here."

So Arviso wasn't a command or a nasty word, it was Caesar's last name. I've really got to pay closer attention to the last names on the rosters.

I went to the wall phone and talked to Cal. Cal told me they'd save the tape and make sure Ranger and HR got a copy of it.

"Sorry, Steph," Caesar choked out when Ram finally let him up from the floor.

I nodded my head to acknowledge what he'd said.

"Steph, you ready to blow this Popsicle stand? I was thinking we'd do Indian food tonight, curry sounds good. Let's get your purse so we can go." Ram's voice was quiet but tight. He wasn't mad at me, just unhappy with the situation.

When we got to the gym doors, there was a little corner that must have been out of camera range. I think that because Ram kissed me like he thought tomorrow was never going to come and this was his last chance. It wasn't demanding or forceful, but it took possession of all of my senses. I closed my eyes and was only aware of him; the feel and taste of him. Fine, I'll admit it, I was also aware there were too many clothes between us and that fact wouldn't be rectified anytime soon. The kiss was ended with his shirt untucked and me looking more than a little disheveled.

"Damn."

_Excuse me?_ I opened my eyes and looked at him not sure if I should be offended or pleased.

"I've wanted to do that all week. I'm just sorry I didn't wait until we were out of the building."

"Why?" _Why did he wait since Sunday night and why couldn't he wait until we were out of the building?_

"Cameras," he said like that explained it all.

"Come again."

"I can't control the cameras with a key fob, I can only do it from the control room. I know that this spot is always monitored."

Swell. We've just given a little show to whoever was on monitor duty.

"If there's any bs about it, I'll take the fallout," he said.

"There can be a lot of heat around here," I said. I ought to know. I had first hand experience at it.

He draped his arm over my shoulder as he walked me toward my desk so I could collect my things. We passed Zip and Brett at the monitor station who smiled at us.

"You get your purse, I'm going to talk to these two for a minute. Meet me back here, OK?" he asked.

"Sure."

Nothing was out of the ordinary on the floor and my cubicle was as I'd left it almost two hours before. I was surprised at the lack of catcalls and whistles. Miraculously my inbox was not stuffed with new search requests, probably that would change over the weekend. Rodriguez was like a ghost, coming in at odd hours to stuff my inbox with urgent reports to do. Job security, I guess.

I went back to the monitor station and said a quick hi to the guys before Ram and I headed to the elevators.

"Are you sure you still want to go out tonight?" he asked when the doors opened at the garage level.

"Sure, why wouldn't I?"

He looked at me and smiled. "I forget how resilient you can be."

"Just another day at the office, I guess. I don't really want to work with him again though. He was getting kind of creepy."

"I don't think it will be an issue. If you want, I can work with you until they find someone Ranger thinks would be unbiased," he said as he opened the car door for me.

"Can you really be unbiased?"

"Pretty much. I can be a hard task master," he said.

"I remember. At least with hand-to-hand I won't have to sweep up the brass." In a lot of ways I was hoping he'd get me into the same position Caesar had me in, except I wouldn't be struggling. Self defense with Ram could be very interesting for me but for all the cameras in the gym.

Dinner was a quiet non-event. Each time we were together it felt unique. It made me think of drinking champagne from a coffee cup, wonderful and comfortable at the same time.

"Wanna go some place to neck?" he asked as he settled the bill.

"Sounds like fun to me," I said hoping it was some place with a big bed, privacy and room service.

"Good, then this'll be fun."

"Can you tell me where?"

"Nope, just not someplace local."

He took me to the airport. All the way to Newark to the freaking airport, the baggage claim actually.

"Evan, what are we doing here?" I asked as we walked through the crowds.

"I can kiss you as much as I want here and no one will care," he said.

"That's why I have an apartment, Rex won't care."

"I don't want to corrupt his little hamster mind. Besides, haven't you ever watched people at the airport?"

"Uh, no. I don't tend to fly anywhere."

"Ah, see here's the thing; people who have been separated for a long time tend to reconnect at the airport. They're all busy saying hello and goodbye. Usually they are so wrapped up in themselves and whether or not their luggage has arrived they don't notice anything else."

"Is that why there are so many pickpockets in airports?"

"Yep," he said as he drug me to a semi-private corner.

We explored as much of each other's bodies as we could in a public place with all of our clothes on. I felt young again and a little naïve, it was great. It was also incredibly frustrating.

He elicited sounds from me I seldom ever made, at least not in public.

"Are you sure you want to wait?" I asked during a brief intermission.

"I don't want to wait," he said.

"Good, let's go."

"I am going to wait. I want to date you. Really get to know you."

"But we're both adults."

"True, but a lot of times when sex starts, talking and any development of a relationship stops," he said. "I want more this time. I'm not going to settle and I don't want you to, either."

"I'm going to die a painful death, you know that, right?"

He looked at me uncertain of what I meant.

"I mean, you've lit a fire I can't put out easily on my own. You get me so hot I'm surprised your fingers don't have burn marks on them."

"Oh really?" he asked with a very wicked smile.

"Oh yeah. I just get my balance back and the flames under control again when you reignite the embers. It's torture."

"I can back away." He may have said the words, but he gripped me tighter as he said them.

"Don't you dare. I just thought you should know."

"Do you want me to _help_ with that problem?"

"Depends on what you mean by that. There's some help I'd like that you aren't ready to give yet. Hey, how are your plumbing skills?"

_A/N: As always, thank you for reading and reviewing........Alf_


	3. Chapter 3

The standard disclaimers apply.

Thanks as always to the bevy of betas who cheer me behind the scenes and don't complain too bitterly about reading and re-reading my attempts at story telling.

**After Samhain …  
the follow up to Nothing But Time on My Hands  
Chapter 3  
by Alfonsina**

I was knee deep in the Monday morning searches when I got a call to meet Ranger to discuss housekeeping matters.

"Looks like I need to get you a new self-defense instructor," he said shaking his head.

"Yeah. I don't want to work with Caesar for a while, if that's OK with you."

He nodded.

"Have you talked to him?"

"Yes and I've seen the tape. Ram was right, there will be a sexual harassment seminar given soon. There won't be a repeat of that behavior. I don't tolerate it. Do you want to press charges? You've got a case against him that's pretty clear."

I shook my head, it wasn't worth it. I just wanted to put the incident behind me. I didn't really care what kind of disciplinary action Caesar suffered, it was between Caesar, Ranger and the HR department. I told Ranger that I didn't want the details, as long as I didn't have to work with Caesar again.

"How's the remodel on that closet coming?" I asked changing subjects.

"There's been a delay. The contractor didn't pass the final background check. I've got to get someone new. I'll send you the list of possibles to run checks on soon. Speaking of the remodel…"

"Yes." _Please don't ask me to use your apartment again. I think I'm really starting to like dating Ram_.

"Until the remodel is successfully completed, I'd like you to use one of the apartments as an oversized changing room."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. And no, not mine. There's been a recent vacancy on the fourth floor. The apartment isn't in move in condition, some of the furniture needs to be replaced, but it will do in a crunch. I'd like you to use it for now."

He handed me the key.

~x~x~

I went about my business until it was time for me to change for my session in the gym. I was feeling a little edgy, so I brought oversized sweats and a really ugly shirt for underneath. I didn't want to tempt anybody or send the wrong message.

I headed for the fourth floor and found the number on the key, it was Ram's old apartment. It hadn't changed much, I mean the personal stuff was gone, but the furniture looked about the same and the fridge was stocked with water and a couple of sports drinks. The bathroom had a couple of towels and washcloths, but nothing exotic or exciting. Ella hadn't been asked to make it habitable for me and I had mixed feelings about that. I was being treated more like a regular employee instead of boss's pet; both had advantages and disadvantages.

I changed in record time and flew through the doors to find my new instructor working on the heavy bag. It was Brett.

"Hey there, hot stuff. You ready to get hot and sweaty with me?" he asked with a wink.

"Not really, but let's do this thing."

We spent the next hour and change working in front of the mirrors. There was limited contact; I think Ranger had made it clear that the point of things was to learn the fundamentals before anyone threw me around.

By the time we were done, I felt like I learned something. I wouldn't be able to defend myself like someone from the movies, but I at least knew a little more about throwing a punch without breaking my knuckles. Not that I planned on throwing any punches anytime soon.

Halfway through the lesson, the gym door opened someone entered and began working out on the circuit. I wasn't paying attention to who had joined the little party; I was more concerned with how much sweat had dripped down my cleavage. I hadn't realized that I'd pretty much had my privacy the week before with Caesar and it might have fed his overconfidence.

"Good job today, Steph. Same time tomorrow?" Brett asked.

"Sure thing. I'll be here with bells on."

I finally took a look to see who had joined us at the gym, the early morning or evening hours were usually the most popular so it was odd to have company. It was Ram. Of course it was. I sauntered over to see him.

"Think I needed adult supervision?" I asked unsure if I should be happy or upset at the prospect.

"Nope. I haven't worked out in a couple of days and I was due."

I wasn't sure if I believed him.

"I should probably head up to the apartment to shower and change before I head home," I said.

"I thought you and Ranger were over," he said with an incredible look of disappointment on his face.

"We are. You know that," I said. "Oh, no. You've got it wrong. He gave me the key to your old place to use. Problems with the contractors."

"Oh, I see." He looked a little relieved.

"I don't like going to my mom's all smelly and I don't have time to go home, shower, change and make it by 6:00. It's roast chicken tonight. Want to come? There's always plenty."

"No, I can't. It's my turn to go over homework tonight with John."

"Will you come up with me for a minute, so I can kiss you goodbye without any witnesses?"

We got to the fourth floor and to the door of his apartment without touching each other or even talking; it all changed once we were inside the door. There was a blur of hands and lips in motion all heading for the _other_ room. When I'd come up earlier, I'd been more concerned with the condition of the bathroom and the toiletries than the bedroom. Evidently I wasn't the only one suffering from hormones that weren't being allowed out to play.

"Oh God, Steph," he breathed as he tried to get my shirt untucked.

"Mmmm." I didn't want to be more articulate, it might break my concentration.

"You don't know how many times I dreamed of being with you here, kissing you here," he said, "making love to you here."

Normally I'm the one that talks too much, it was Ram's turn to be Chatty Cathy.

"Really?" I drew the word out as long as I could as I tried to undo his belt buckle.

He was walking me backwards into the bedroom. Looks like I was going to find out sooner than later whether or not there were clean sheets on the bed.

"Oh, yeah. You have no idea how badly I want you," he breathed as he was sucking on my neck.

"I thought you wanted to wait."

"My mind wants to wait, my body and my heart want you desperately."

"Just how desperate are you?" I wanted to know he needed me as much as I needed him.

"Like a man in the desert who hasn't had water for days, I want to quench my thirst by drinking in your body," he said as he pulled his shirt off and exposed that well sculpted torso.

He was smooth and he sounded sincere. It also sounded like he'd been thinking of a time and a place to use that line.

I don't know which of us made it to the bed first, it felt like a race and we would both win as soon as our feet weren't on the floor anymore.

Somehow he was on the bottom and I straddled his body in a most strategic manner. Things were going to fit very nicely indeed. I wasn't in the mood for a lot of foreplay; my body didn't need it. It felt like we'd been at low level foreplay for a couple of weeks. If he stopped now, there wasn't a shower massager strong enough to help regulate my hormones. If he stopped, I might just have to hurt him.

I decided that I'd do some of my favorite things to him. I kissed down his neck and shoulders taking special care at the spot where the two met. I ran one hand over his nipple while I attached my mouth to the other.

Someone moaned and this time I'm pretty sure it wasn't me.

My hands were moving up and down his abs, Ok, more down than up. His skin was smooth and had the most delicious, slightly salty taste. I inched my way down his body and I was getting ready to approach the button on his pants when the spell was broken by a ringing phone. His.

"I've got to answer it," he panted moving me off his body. "It's Christina's ringtone."

"Go ahead, I can keep myself entertained," I said. I had every intention of making the most of his divided attention.

He answered his phone and immediately sat up on the bed.

"Hello?" Pause. "I'm still at the office." Pause. "I'll be there in a few."

Looks like a case of coitus interuptus. At least this time he hadn't said no.

He reached down to retrieve his shirt and hide that magnificent chest.

"I'm sorry, I've got to go."

I wanted to pout, whine, or do something else to let my displeasure be known when I looked at the clock. We'd been occupied longer than I thought and my own phone rang.

"Can you wait a minute for me?" I asked as I answered my own phone. "Yes Mom." Pause. "I forgot to tell you I was going to run late tonight, I'm sorry." Pause. "I'll be there shortly."

"You know, I've wanted to do that for a long time," he said.

"Get interrupted or the stuff before the interruption?"

"The stuff before," he said as he brushed his lips over mine. "And believe it or not, I _am_ glad we were interrupted."

"I'm not, you are a pyromaniac. You keep setting little fires and walking away; well this fire isn't so little," I pouted.

"Not yet but soon, I promise. I've really got to go. Evidently there's a big spelling test and I'm supposed to help John study for it; tonight is more than regular homework. Meet me here tomorrow for lunch?"

"Don't you worry about what someone else will hear? How thick are the walls?"

_Maybe he's changed his mind._

"I said lunch and I mean lunch. You know, eating food."

_Damn it_. I was hoping he'd offer himself up as an entrée; looked like he was going to go back to the slow approach.

"Sounds good," I said. I was going to kiss him again when my phone rang. "Yes Grandma, I'm on my way. See you soon."

~x~x~

Things had been slow at the bonds office of late; I'd call in and get the gossip, but there'd been precious few files to work. Zip and Zero picked up files for me a couple of days, low bond of course. I hadn't been too desperate for the money so I sat on the body receipts.

Actually, that's not true. I needed the money as much as ever, but I wasn't up for the great debate. Connie and Lula had some kind of radar when it came to me and my love life. I needed to have a little time to let things sink in for me; life had changed and I was moving into a new phase. I had wanted to keep that information private for just a little while. Maybe.

I arrived at the office ready for battle. I had two boxes of doughnuts and a large cup of coffee. I was almost out of control and needed to squash my hormones any way I could, pastry was the cheapest and easiest way to do it without dire consequences.

"Morning," I said as I settled myself onto the sofa with my own box of indulgence.

"Ooh, somebody's a little bit tense and uptight," Lula said_. You don't know the half of it. _ "You gonna let me take you on a field trip to Pleasure Treasures?"

"Uh, no," I said as I stuffed half a doughnut into my mouth.

"You don't know how to live right. They've got things in there that would make you give up the doughnuts."

Depending on how long Ram was going to hold out, I might just need to find out what some of those things were.

"You know, they've got shots that will suck out all of the estrogen from your body," Connie said. "One of my cousins did that. She quit caring about sex and then her mustache came in. It wouldn't have been so bad but hers was thicker her husband's."

"Why'd she do something like that? The shot I mean."

"She had endometriosis and after the shot her body quit making lining for her uterus for a couple of months; a drastic treatment."

"Was there any upside?"

"Yeah, she didn't have her period for three months," Connie said.

"I think that's a little extreme," I said as I finished the doughnut.

"Have you been avoiding coming into the office?" Lula asked.

"No, of course not." Yes, of course I have.

"She seems different. All tense and uptight, it's like she's hiding something."

_Tense, yes. Uptight, yes. Hiding something, most definitely._

"Is Ranger in the wind again?" Connie asked.

"Nope."

"You avoiding from him?"

I shrugged.

"You ain't never going to get that hot piece of ass if you keep shrinking away from him," Lula said.

"I gave up on Ranger. He's just a fantasy," I said.

I had no sooner gotten the words out of my mouth that the bell over the door tinkled. God, I hope it isn't Ranger.

"Morning, ladies," said the black clad figure.

"I didn't think you came around to pick up files," I said smiling.

"I'm in the field today. We still on for lunch later? I've got something special to show you," Ram said kissing me.

"I'll be there," I said.

Connie and Lula had been watching the exchange wordlessly; this boded poorly for me. Their immediate silence meant that the grilling would come when the door closed again.

"Any files for Rangeman this morning?" he asked Connie.

She wordlessly handed him several folders for which he signed.

"Do you want me to bring anything for lunch?"

"Got it covered. I'll see you in a couple of hours, Steph. Thanks ladies," he said as he snatched a doughnut from my open box.

The door closed and so did my eyes. I was waiting for the explosion or an exultation of some kind and my ears were met with nothing.

I finally opened my eyes and saw the two of them smiling at me.

"Looks like you found yourself a new man," Lula said. "How long have you had custody of him?"

"I don't have custody of him."

"How is he in the bedroom department?" Connie asked.

"I don't know."

"How long have you been dating him? And more importantly, why were we not told immediately?" Connie asked.

"It's new. He's different and I like that."

"Yeah, but why isn't he putting out? No way a man like that could be a virgin," Lula said. "He's not gay, is he? Is he married and that's why he won't, you know?"

"No, he's not gay." _God, I hope he's not bi-sexual, we never talked about that_. "He was married for a while and now he's not. He wants to take things slowly."

"I couldn't go slow with a body like that if I had to," Connie said.

I took another bite of pastry.

"I know. He's the one with the willpower right now. I'm probably going to have to start to exercise."

"How long are you willing to wait?"

"Probably until he's ready. It's not like I haven't had long stretches of celibacy before," I said sighing again. "I've allowed things to go too far too fast before, maybe he's got a point."

"There are things you could do _together_," Lula said.

"Off limits, I asked. For now it is just me, the doughnuts and a lot of cold showers."

_A/N: thanks as always for reading and reviewing … Happy Halloween to all, and to those who honor it, Blessed Samhain…..Alf._


	4. Chapter 4

Standard disclaimers apply ...

Again, thanks to all the betas for reviewing and understanding when I change things after you've already reviewed them ... the mistakes are, as always mine.

**After Samhain …**

**the follow up to Nothing But Time on My Hands**

**Ram's Pairing Chapter 4**

**by Alfonsina  
**

I arrived at the fourth floor apartment at the designated time to find Ram loitering in the hall and several bags parked in front of the door.

"Why are you out here?" I asked.

"Don't have a key."

"Want me to ask Ranger for a copy? Never mind." It wouldn't have bothered me if he had his own key, it used to be his place after all. Then again, it would probably send the wrong message and I didn't want to flaunt anything in front of Ranger. I think he'd been hoping for Someday as much as I had been. "You could have asked Tank to let you in, he's got a passkey."

"No one has ever really respected your privacy, have they?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I grew up in a house with one bathroom, not a lot of privacy. And you've seen the locks on my current apartment. It seems the whole world knows how to break into it. Even though I'd love more privacy, it's just never really been an option for me."

"Well, think of me as a vampire. I won't enter unless I get an invitation."

"Ok, so you're invited. What's for lunch?"

He brought enough food for an army: potato salad, chips, coleslaw, sandwiches, pickles and fruit.

We ate at the little kitchen table. I cleared up while he went into the living room and pulled out an old scrapbook from yet another bag.

"Is this what I hope it is?" I asked. When we'd last talked, I mentioned I wanted to see pictures from his childhood.

"My mother made a scrapbook with pictures of each of her kids. She gave them to us when we each turned twenty-five. She said before that we wouldn't have appreciated it. I had her hold on to mine until two years ago for safe keeping."

Despite the number of years the scrapbook covered, it was actually a very slender volume. There were pictures of Ram as a toddler, very adorable. Shots from when he was about twelve, he had a very long and awkward stage. There were images where he had enough acne that my own face hurt. His bootcamp graduation picture; no hair really did make his nose look large. Then again, he was young and now his face filled out so his nose no longer looked to be too large. Finally there was a picture of him on the day he got married. He looked devastatingly handsome and happy; she was beyond exquisite it was like she was a princess out of a fairytale.

The wedding picture was the last one in the book. I didn't know quite what to say. We'd talked about all the pictures to that point, but that one left me speechless.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"I could never measure up to that," I said quietly. I can hold my own with proper foundation garments, plenty of hair products, spackle on my face and dim lighting, but I could never hold my own against her. She looked like a goddess; flowing blonde hair, incredible skin, a smile that was a dentist's wet dream.

"She's not that pretty," he said.

"Yes, she is."

"She spent almost as much on her personal grooming and perfecting herself as she did on the wedding. She doesn't look like that now and she didn't look like that twenty minutes after the wedding was over."

I felt a little better, but not much.

"You know, I'll never look like that," I said. "Not on my best day and not with a team of experts at my beck and call."

"I think you are gorgeous just like you are. I wouldn't change anything," he said kissing me.

Good answer.

"I don't want you to take this the wrong way," he said_. Nothing good ever comes from that sentence, ever._ "But I want things to slow down. I don't want a re-run of last night where the only thing that stops me is a ringing phone."

That was a slap in the face and a fine 'how do you do?'. I'm not as pretty as the ex and I'm too fast for him. I'd learned a little something about schooling my features and so tried to hide my anger, frustration and disappointment. It isn't like I'd given him a lap dance in public. I got off the sofa and headed for the door.

In some ways I wish I were on birth control pills so I'd know if this was PMS or just an overactive imagination. Then again, you have to remember to take birth control pills, so maybe it is better not to be married to a calendar.

"Coming?" I asked. I hadn't even bothered to hide the hurt in my voice.

"That all came out wrong or you aren't hearing it the way I mean it. I told you that I want you and I do; I also want a long term relationship."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"My life has been pretty small the last several years, and I want to change that. Actually I am changing that."

_Huh?_

"Can we finish this conversation tonight after work?"

I shrugged. Looks like this adventure was about to end. I'll need to stop by the humane society sooner than later to buy a cat; Rex hasn't been running with as much vigor lately.

"Where?" he asked.

"Not here, too many eyes. Your place?" I asked. I'd been curious and really didn't want to go home and vacuum or tidy.

"If I'm home, John'll come over. I don't want to be interrupted."

This sounded a little better. Privacy is a good thing, right?

"Unless you want to go out someplace, we should probably go to my apartment. Rex is very discreet and won't interrupt the conversation."

"You are important, this conversation is important. I'm not going to start something I won't finish," he said. "Why don't I bring Chinese about 7:00?"

"Sounds good," I said. Hopefully I could catch at least one of my FTAs, shower and change before he came over.

~x~x~

We tried to talk through dinner, but I kept yawning through it. I'd been sleeping without resting for a couple of weeks and some of my skips were running me ragged. Not to mention that Brett put pictures of supermodels on the heavy bag in the gym for 'motivation'. If I was any more motivated when I hit the heavy bag, there'd be a hole in it.

Ram didn't try to push the earlier conversation, just looked concerned.

"Let's put you to bed, you look beat," he said.

I didn't argue, I just followed him into the bedroom. I was a little surprised to see him take off his shoes and shirt before climbing on top of my bed. It isn't like we aren't both adults, so I followed suit and removed my shoes before I settled next to him on the bed. I put my head on his chest and waited for him to talk or do whatever it was he was going to do.

"For several years, my life has just been work, home and child support payments. Home was just me, the TV, some books or the internet."

_Sounds like a lot of people._

"When I started to work for Rangeman, I realized just how small my life had become, how many people I'd cut out and just how few things I did that I enjoyed."

I raised my head to take a better look at him. He looked tired, frustrated and older than normal.

"Woody and I got teamed together a couple of years ago and he was a lot like me, just younger and he hadn't fallen into some of my ruts yet."

That explains a lot of the attraction I had for both men.

"Anyway, last spring when he started really putting an effort into dating, I realized just how long it had been for me. And it got me to think about all the things I was missing, the people, the experiences, someone to love. It made me angry at myself and a little sad."

I kissed his shoulder and nodded for him to go on.

"I used to fly to Kansas to go to parent teacher conferences, but was always the outsider. I'd see my son three or four times a year; it wasn't enough. Christina, Gloria and I talked and we decided we would try to make a go of it and raise John together. Christina and Gloria had nothing holding them there except for Christina's judgmental parents and a mortgage."

Being with his child meant the world to him, it was incredibly obvious.

"They flew out and we went house shopping. I wanted condos in the same development, they wanted to live a couple of miles away. Ultimately we got a great buy on a duplex and it made more sense in the end. Even though we have our own space, we still get in each other's hair sometimes."

_What exactly was his point?_

He kissed my forehead and said, "I want to be able to take him on day trips, see his soccer games, play football in the park. I want to, no I need to, do the father-son stuff that I haven't done with him since he was five."

"Has it been hard?"

"Yeah, but we're making strides. Are you open to doing family stuff?"

"I'm not sure how good I'll be at it, but I'm a good cheerleader. I'm pretty open to new experiences."

"He hasn't seen me with anyone but his mom. When you're twelve it is hard to think of your nerdy dad dating, much less kissing someone. Gloria has been around him forever, so their situation is different."

"I can keep my hands to myself when he's around, not a problem."

He looked at my face and studied it.

"You been OK lately with us and all the changes?" he asked.

"I haven't been sleeping well lately."

"How long?"

"Since Halloween. Something's different and I just don't feel comfortable in my bed anymore, it's odd."

"Roll over onto your side."

I shot him a look a cross between confused and peeved.

"Humor me."

_Sure, why not?_

I rolled my body away from his and he came up behind me and spooned me. God it felt good.

"This is what's been missing," I said quietly.

"Hmmm."

"I haven't felt you come to bed lately."

"Shh. Just close your eyes and breathe. Let me hold you while you sleep."

"Tell me a story?"

"Anything in particular?"

"Something with a happily ever after, those are my favorites."

I closed my eyes and drifted away to the sound of his voice quietly telling me a story about a little boy who lost his dog only to find the dog sleeping in front of the altar of a church.

The room was in almost total darkness when I realized where I was and that I wasn't alone. It was quiet except for the sound of Ram's snoring. This wasn't the kind of snoring that peels paint from walls and it wasn't the kind that would wake the dead, it was the kind I used to hear from my dad when he'd had a long day at work.

His hand was still across my middle, possessive but comfortable.

I struggled to right myself and find out exactly how late it was. I couldn't see the clock and my watch doesn't glow.

"Hey," he said in a gruff voice. "Where are you going?"

"Looking for the clock."

He pushed a button on his wrist and his watch lit up; it was 3:17.

"Do you want me to leave?"

I thought about it, I was warm and comfortable. He was going to have to become cold and uncomfortable to drive himself home.

"No, but I need to get up for a bit."

I went to the bathroom and got two bottles of water from the kitchen and headed back to the bedroom.

"I'm sorry for not leaving you earlier. It wasn't my intention to stay overnight," he said taking a sip. "I just like having you in my arms."

"I like it too, but you are sending mixed signals." Usually mixed signals was my specialty. I figured I'd lay out my cards, I wanted him badly.

"It was selfish of me, but you felt so much better than you have in my dreams I couldn't let you go. You'll think I'm too in touch with my feminine side when I tell you this," he said quietly. "Sleeping with you like that is almost more intimate than sex would have been."

"What do you mean?"

"You can only really sleep with someone you trust. You may doze or sleep fitfully, but a truly restful sleep is something you can only achieve when there is a level of trust in place."

"So, you trust me?"

"Um-huh, a lot. I also feel like this has been very intimate, despite the 'G' rating," he said.

"I'm glad this happened here and not at Haywood."

"Why?"

"Cameras everywhere. Everyone will know you've been with me overnight and I don't like the idea of rubbing anyone's nose in this."

"Do you want the truth about the fourth floor doors?"

_Great, here it comes._

"Sure."

"The fourth floor isn't monitored that closely. The cameras are in place and only triggered if there's an emergency of some kind. Sometimes they are turned on just as a spot check, but the building is pretty damned secure on its own. This isn't quite as bad as being in a dorm where you are worried about having someone check for unwanted guests."

"But then why?"

"It was easier to build a security system with too many cameras than not enough. In the event they're doing routine monitoring, I can call the control room and have them scramble the cameras for a couple of minutes. Are you that worried about being seen with me?"

"No it's not you. I just don't want the guys thinking I'm easy or that I'll sleep with anyone."

"Believe me, based on the past couple of years with Ranger and his moods, they know you aren't easy. Besides, it might send a signal to the others that you are now off the market. You are off the market, aren't you?"

"Most definitely off the market. I won't worry about fallout that may or may not happen."

"So you didn't answer the question," he said quietly. "Do you want me to leave?"

"If I put on my regular PJs and we get on the covers will it change things?" I asked. I really wanted to get out of my jeans, bra and sweatshirt.

"I'll be good," he said with a yawn.

If he started anything, I might have to take _matters_ into my own hands and deal with the fallout in the morning.

I offered him first dibs on the bathroom and a fresh toothbrush. Ever efficient, he was back in under five minutes. I wonder how much longer he would have been if I'd offered him floss; thirty seconds?

I went into the bathroom did the brief version of my nighttime routine and put on a pair of beige lace panties and a short t-shirt. I found Ram under the blankets. His shirt and pants were folded over the back of the chair, but I spied no underwear so either he still had something on or he was commando. If he was commando, I was _so_ not responsible for my future actions.

"Is that what you normally sleep in?" he asked sounding much more awake than he had a few minutes previously.

"Yeah. Problem?"

"It's just making things a little hard for me," he said with a wicked smile.

"Not planning to help you with that," I said. _If he wasn't going to help me, no way I'm going to help him_. "You can sleep on the sofa if this is too big a problem for you."

He shook his head and scooted down the bed so he was back almost where he started. He looked relieved he didn't have to move and a little wistful that he wasn't going to get any. He was the one who wanted to wait, let him suffer.

Almost as soon as the light was back off, Ram's snoring resumed. I focused on the feeling of him snuggled into my back and realized how natural it felt, even the feeling of his boxer briefs. Ram had been taking care of me inadvertently for months, I just hadn't been aware of it and he was doing it again tonight.

~x~x~

The sun hadn't come all the way up when I felt a little extra heat pressed against my bottom. OK, pressed isn't really the best word, it was more like there was a little something knocking on my rear looking for entrance. The hand that had been so possessive around my tummy last night had crept under my t-shirt and was significantly higher on my torso. His hand was just shy of its most likely target.

"Evan," I whispered.

"Mmmm."

"Evan, whatcha doing?"

"Mmmm."

I was in bed with Articulate Man. The last time the heat had been turned up, he'd been Talkative Tammy. This time he was asleep, pretending to be asleep, or trying to figure out how far he could push me before I dumped him out of bed.

My body had spent considerable time being hot and bothered the last couple of weeks and wasn't listening to me at all. My mind wanted to respect him and not push the envelope, but the rest of me vetoed that particular idea. My hips took their own vote and decided to undulate against him. My lips kissed the nearest part of him, his forearm.

My hand covered his and I debated whether to relocate it either higher, to my breast, or lower, to paradise; the current position just wasn't satisfactory. I thought I stood a better chance of not having him wake up if the hand was moved to my breast.

The throbbing that had felt like a knock on my rear was now resembling more of an incessant pounding. It was fast, hard and constant. If I moved my leg just over his and I positioned myself just so …

"Mmmm, you feel amazing," he breathed into my ear. "So soft. So beautiful. Mmmm."

_You ain't felt nothing yet bub._

"Mmmm, yourself," I said placing his hand on top of my breast hoping he'd take the hint.

All of a sudden Ram was very awake and aware of what was going on between us. OK, so it wasn't between us yet, it was just a couple of inches away.

"Oh God," he said very clearly and distinctly.

_Looks like play time is over before it really got started._

"Mmmm. What?" I had no intention of letting him get away, I was close to obtaining my first social orgasm in forever and I really didn't want to be denied now.

"I'm sorry," he said trying to put some distance between us.

"No."

"No?"

"Evan, you can't leave me high, dry and incredibly frustrated again. I'm not sixteen. I've got needs, a lot of needs. I've got a lot of unfulfilled needs."

"Steph, we can't, baby, not yet."

_Why the hell not?_

"Evan, you are the last thought I have when I go to bed at night and my first thought in the mornings. You've been in my thoughts constantly for months."

I wasn't confessing love, I knew I loved him at some level but still wasn't sure it was the happily ever after kind of love.

"But you didn't…" he was starting to say.

"No, in the beginning I wasn't sure it was you, but I'd hoped it was you. I wanted it to be you."

He groaned and his hips began to move again.

"Please? I want you. I need you. Please?" I wasn't above begging. I didn't know what good it was going to do me, but I needed to plead my case.

"How about I lend you a hand instead?" he asked lowering his hand slowly down my torso to where it was most needed.

"What about you?"

"Ladies first, and second and possibly third," he whispered as he kissed my neck.

"Promises, promises," I sing-songed really liking the way that sounded.

"I don't make promises I can't keep." _I beg to differ, he said he'd keep his hands to himself. Wait a minute, I helped with that. _ "Besides, it's been so long for me, if you touch me, I'll probably lose any control I have left." _Now that sounds like a definite challenge._

"Mmmm. Please, touch me, please."

His hand finally made it to the top of my panties when he seemed to hesitate again.

"Are you sure?"

"You can't be pulling your offer off the table now, can you?"

_If he wasn't going to help me, he was going to suffer for it as soon as I could walk easily again._

"No," he said kissing my shoulder. "Just relax and let me take that nasty tension away."

I let go a sigh knowing my torment would soon be over.

He moved my panties over and gingerly ran his fingers over my sex.

"Mmmm. That's so nice." I moaned the words. I was getting some of what I wanted and wasn't going to critique his technique at this early stage in the game.

"God, you're wet," he said in strangled voice. "How long have you been this way?"

"Almost constantly since Halloween." It was true, it took very little for me to ruin my panties since that night. He'd lit enough fires without having them go out that I'd been in a state for a long and miserable time.

He groaned and his fingers began a more masterful stroke of my center.

"Well, I'll have to make it up to you," he said.

"Close … so close," I panted.

He inserted two fingers and thrust them in the same cadence as his hips. I came shortly after.

"Oh God, you're amazing," I said when I found my voice. "Thank you."

I tried to touch him when he caught my hand.

"I'm not going to last," he said.

"You deserve a reward, don't you think?" I asked as I put my hand over him. "Please let me help you feel good."

His rhythm was gone almost immediately and his body jerked three times before he came.

"A very nice reward indeed," he said kissing me. "But I think I owe you a couple more after I get cleaned up a little."

_Who am I to argue with a man who wants to help me feel good? _

"You have amazingly talented fingers," I sighed.

"Another advantage to practicing a lot on the range," he said pointing his fingers at me, "you develop good trigger control."

"So that's what we're calling it now?"

"Could be. I think I need a little more practice."

Far be it from me to prevent a man from practicing his trigger control. After he was done, I definitely felt better than I'd felt in weeks.

When I came back to earth I saw the clock and realized it was almost 7:40.

"We're gonna be late for work," I said in a panic.

"No we aren't," he said rolling out of bed.

I tried to raise my eyebrow but couldn't seem to muster the energy.

"And that would be because?" I asked.

"We're calling in sick," he said.

"We can't do that, it isn't right," I said looking for something to put on.

"OK, so we won't call in sick _today_, but we need to talk about some things before things go any further. Will you be OK with that?"

"Will this be a good talk or a bad talk?"

"A good talk, mostly," he said getting into his clothes.

_Oh boy. What was the down side?_

"So what part do I need to dread?"

"The part about the future, what you want, what I want, how long we want to get there."

"I can answer for myself right now. You, I want you and I want the future to happen now. I've put my life on hold for too long for too many people."

"Good answers," he said kissing me and walking me back to the bed. "Are you sure you don't want to call in today?"

"Guilt. Good old fashioned Catholic guilt won't let me. I'm not sick and either are you."

"True. In that case, tonight let's go to my place. You need to meet John and the girls."

"We could go into work late, couldn't we?"

He answered with a glower as he tied his shoes.

"Ok, it was just a thought. Do you want to carpool today?"

"Absolutely. I'll drive," he said. As an afterthought he asked, "Do you have plans for the weekend?"

"Dinner with my family Sunday. You know you are going to have to meet them soon."

"Want to come shopping with me this weekend?"

_Is the Pope Catholic?_

"What are we shopping for?" The last time I'd been shopping with Ram, I'd gotten a killer purse out of the deal.

"A bed."

So much for going slowly. Oh boy.

A/N: thanks for reading and reviewing.....Alf


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimers apply, as per usual._

_The beautiful and insightful betas, and you know who you are, have inspired, corrected and cajoled in all the best possible ways – I thank you._

**After Samhain …**

**the follow up to Nothing But Time on My Hands**

**Ram's Pairing Chapter 5**

**By Alfonsina**

There was nothing posted I'd ever seen about no public displays of affection at work, but it was good form not to be too touchy feely in public. Unfortunately after I've had a couple of _good_ social orgasms, I want more.

Orgasms are kind of like chocolate, if you don't have it for a _really_ long time, you lose the absolute need of it, sort of. If you have a _really good orgasm or several_ and you haven't for a while, they're like chocolate chip cookies, you want another and another and another. Needless to say I was having a hard time keeping my hands and my mind off of Ram. He was better than chocolate.

I picked up the phone and dialed Brett.

"Hey, can we do the whole 'beat the crap out of the supermodels' thing early today?" I asked.

"I'll check the schedule. Everything alright?"

"Fine. I feel motivated and want to get it out of my system." I either want to stick my face in a box of Ding Dongs or I want to have some quality uninterrupted time with Ram; exercise was the closest thing to a compromise I was going to come up with on short notice.

"I'll check and get back with you."

Five minutes later he called back and said, "The gym is available for you in an hour, but I can't be there. You'll have to work with Lester. Will that work? If not, I can take you after lunch."

"Sooner is better than later," I said. "Thanks for helping me out."

~x~x~

I hadn't really connected the dots when I'd agreed to have dinner with Evan and the family. If I had, I would have taken a change of clothes to work, or at the very least some additional make up. Even though I knew Christina wasn't his wife anymore, getting her approval was important.

I was scrounging the breakroom for wayward Tastykakes and was coming up empty. I needed something to tranquilize my nerves and was getting more and more upset.

"Looking a little frantic there, Babe," Ranger said.

"Why can't you let Ella stock sugar around here? Why can't you have a vending machine with _real options_ in it? Why does all the food here have to be healthy?"

"Because if you want to clog your arteries, you get to do it on your own dime. That time of the month?"

I tried to raise my eyebrow. I failed. I wanted to shoot my favorite Italian hand gesture, but thought that would fuel the fire. I wanted to …

"Steph, you OK?" he asked.

"I'm meeting Ram's ex-wife and son tonight," I said.

"Moving pretty fast, aren't you?"

"Well, you know how long the whole e-mail thing was going on, so in that regard it isn't fast at all."

"Big step to meet the family."

"Yeah. I hope I'll measure up. I've seen her picture, she was gorgeous."

"Was?"

"The picture is several years old, from their wedding. When I think back to my own wedding, I didn't look remotely that beautiful or that happy."

"I've always thought you were beautiful," he said. "To me, you always will be beautiful."

Damn him and his freaking someday. Why couldn't he have said things like this when things were different between us?

"Thanks. Still isn't going to help my nerves any," I said.

"Come to my office when you have a minute."

"Now?"

"Now, later, whenever you'd like."

I followed him like a puppy to his office. Firstly, I don't do suspense well. Secondly, I had a feeling whatever it was should be good.

"Close the door, Babe."

He walked to his credenza and said, "I did this in the event of an emergency. It looks like you're having an emergency."

He took out a key and unlocked a drawer and withdrew a box of Hostess Ho Hos.

"Now, you have to promise me two things," he said after steepling his fingers together.

"Great. Yes, I'll give you Rex's first born child."

"No. You can't tell anyone I gave you a fix when you were desperate."

"And?"

"And you tell me if you have any problems with Ram. I won't let him hurt you."

"I promise. Thanks, Ranger, you're the best," I said bouncing out of his room.

I wasn't paying any attention to who was outside of Ranger's office or I wouldn't have run smack into Ram.

"You seem awfully happy," he said after we disengaged ourselves.

"Yeah, sugar always makes me happy."

"Anything else make you happy?"

"Definitely, but I can't talk about that here."

"Afraid of corrupting the minors, Steph?" Zip asked. I hadn't even realized Zip was in the area, I'd been so absorbed in getting sugar and in the things I might soon be able to do with Ram.

I didn't hesitate to shoot the bird at Zip. At work, Ranger's my boss and I try not to be disrespectful of him in front of the guys; Zip is a different matter altogether.

"Promises, promises," he said laughing.

"You still up for tonight?" Ram asked low so as not to be overheard.

"Yes and no. Yes I'm up to it and I really want to meet everyone. No, I'm not up to it because if they don't like me, I'm afraid I'll lose you."

"You won't lose me. And I know they'll like you. I'm pretty sure they'll love you. Hey, is that why you needed the sugar?"

I nodded.

"Next time you need sugar, I keep a stash in my desk. Feel free to ask whenever you need something sweet. I am willing to provide you with whatever _sugar_ you _need_. I can't let you go around with unnecessary tension, can I?"

Oh boy.

~x~x~

The car door hadn't even opened all the way that a voluptuous blonde in her late 30s threw her arms around me and said, "Welcome to the Ramsey Harem."

Excuse me?

I finally got myself out of the car when Ram said, "Steph, this is my ex-wife Christina Ramsey. Christina, this is Stephanie Plum."

Ah, so she kept the last name.

"It's easier when you have a child together to keep the same last name, less hassles with the schools," she said. "Honey, don't just stand there, come into the house."

Ram steered me from the driveway into the open and apparently lived in side of the house.

"John's at Derek's and should be home in about ten minutes," Christina said. "And Gloria will be here soon."

"So why did you say the Ramsey Harem?" I asked.

"Easy, when we go to family events, he's got two women with him. Now he'll have three. Looks like the beginning of a harem to me. I'm thinking we should probably have t-shirts made."

I hope she's kidding. I looked at Ram who was looking sheepish. He probably had a design in mind and a phone number to call for interested candidates. I wonder if he'll have an interview and application process for more members of his little group.

"Hey, it's every young boy's fantasy to have a harem of his own," he said.

Oh really? That never crossed my mind.

"It isn't like you don't have your own entourage at work, Steph," he said with a wink.

"I hadn't thought of it that way," I said.

"So just how many men do you have in your entourage?" she asked.

"Depends on the threat level. Usually no one, sometimes one, sometimes more."

"Threat level, sounds cool," came a new voice.

"That'll be John. He's either easily impressed or not impressed at all," Ram grumbled. "I haven't impressed him in six months."

Great. He'll probably love the stories where I'm rolling in garbage. I really didn't want to relive any of those stories in front of a tween and his mother.

"Sweetie, I'm home!" was the next voice. _Looks like the gang's all here_.

"Baby, someone new for you to meet tonight," Christina called.

In waltzed a brunette version of Marilyn Monroe. She looked to be right around my age and very much in the corporate uniform of dress to impress. The woman's curves had curves, I felt like a flat chested twelve year-old next to her.

"Well, well, well," she purred at me. "I'm Gloria."

"Stephanie," I said holding out my hand.

"She's Evan's new squeeze," Christina said.

"Pity. If you change your mind, I've got friends who could be _very_ into you," Gloria said in a conspiratorial tone.

"Thank you, no. Things are fine the way they are," I said attempting to keep my manners in check.

"Sometimes Gloria forgets herself," Christina said. "John, please help Gloria set the table for dinner."

"Anything I can do to help?" I asked.

"Maybe next time. Why don't you let Evan give you the tour of his place next door and come back in about ten minutes?"

"Only if you're sure."

She nodded at me. "Evan, show her around."

We walked to the other front door and into a very spartanly furnished living room.

"I haven't wanted to decorate yet," he said simply. "I've only really spent time here in the last six weeks or so."

Our styles would meld well, early dorm room all the way around.

"Downstairs is the living room, kitchen, dining area, small office and powder room. Upstairs three bedrooms and one bath."

"I assume it is the same next door?"

"Reverse of this. The bathroom is on the common wall."

Good to know that the master bedrooms weren't going to share a common wall, unless he put in some sound proofing. I didn't want to listen to anyone else's moans or groans. One of the good things about living in a complex with the retired set was that they didn't care that much about sex and there wasn't a lot of moaning or groaning going on in the whole building, my own apartment included.

He escorted me upstairs and showed me a bedroom that had exercise equipment, several bookcases and a computer desk. The next room had a twin bed, small desk and a bunch of posters on the wall. The final bedroom was neat and tidy, but had just a twin bed and a lot of empty space.

I looked at him and said, "Kind of small for you, isn't it?"

"I wanted to make sure you'd be comfortable in whatever bed I had," he said.

OK, so he is thinking long term, lots of sleepovers and hopefully a lot of sex and soon.

"This," he said as he aimed me to the bathroom, "is where I've been spending most of my time."

I really didn't need to know he spent most of his time in the john reading the newspaper or hiding from the inhabitants next door.

"Look closely at it," he said.

"This has to be an illusion," I said. It was like something out of a magazine; it .was miraculous.

"It's about as real as it gets," he said. "Remember when you asked about my plumbing skills?"

I nodded.

"I'm pretty handy around the house. I put the tub and new fixtures in myself." He nipped my earlobe before he said, "All the jets are adjustable."

I think I ruined my panties with that last statement.

He wasn't kidding about his ability. The bathroom had a Jacuzzi style bathtub that looked like it would easily accommodate two. It also had two showerheads, so there would be no need for waiting. The floor was a beautiful cream ceramic that went well with the walls.

"It's gorgeous. You'll let me use it sometime, won't you?" I asked.

"Soon," he said. "But now, we need to go next door to see what they've got in store for us."

Dinner was overall quiet. It was steak, potatoes, veggies and a long discussion about school. Not much had changed since I'd been in school; the teachers assigned too much homework for John's taste and teachers were boring.

There was a review of the event schedule complete with who was supposed to run the carpool which days. As a reminder, it was posted on the refrigerator of each house as well as a detailed list of phone numbers.

John had been whining that he wanted his father to take him to play paintball. His mother and Gloria opposed it.

"So basically, you try to stay clean and not get shot, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, and if you get shot, you get splattered with paint."

"Sounds like a typical day for me," I said with a sigh.

"Cool, you get shot a lot?" John asked.

"No, she doesn't," Ram answered.

"Actually, I tend to get splattered with all kinds of stuff at work. Usually it's garbage and other less than stellar stuff," I said.

"We could team up against Dad," he said with a smile.

"I'm not a good enough shot and I don't think we can both take him," I said hoping to get out of the whole paintball adventure. "I shoot at paper targets, they don't fire back."

"Mom, you and Gloria could come too, right? It could be like four against one. It would be totally awesome," John said.

"John, I think we need to let the adults make this decision," I said.

"Dad, we have to do this. Please?" The kid knew how to beg. Maybe there was a lesson in it for me somewhere.

"_If_ your homework is done, and _if_ your chores are up to date, and _if_ your moms both agree, then maybe," Ram said.

"But," John started.

"John, if we don't do it now, we'll do it some time soon," Gloria said. Looking at me she continued, "What exactly do you do?"

"I work part time as a bounty hunter and part time as an analyst for Rangeman," I said.

"She's definitely on my team," John said.

"I wish she were on mine," Gloria added.

There was a distinctive sound of foot hitting either shin or table leg and a less than pleased look on Christina's face.

Ram got us excused from any further inquiries about us and our future plans by saying we didn't even know what they were yet.

We went next door to his place and sat on the sofa in the living room.

"So," he said.

"So," I replied_. Hey, I can be as articulate as the next guy._

"We need to talk about a lot of things," he said. "Before things go any further, I'd like to find out what your medical issue was this summer. Is it something that could have a long term impact on you and your quality of life?"

"I'd forgotten I hadn't quite told you about that," I said. This was feeling awkward, I thought he already knew. "I'm healthy as a horse, but I have to go in for quarterly Pap smears for the next couple of years."

"Cancer, pre-cancer? Tell me, please?" he asked playing with my fingers.

"I had a bad Pap in May that they thought it could go either way. It's just a precaution to do the regular appointments now. Besides, the whole company has to do those stupid quarterly physicals, so it isn't like I'm not seeing the doctor all the time anyway."

"But you're good other than that?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Good. I've wanted to ask specifically for a long time, but didn't want to invade your privacy."

"Nothing to invade."

"Next topic, birth control. We've had a couple of pretty close calls," he said.

"Not as close as you think."

"Close doesn't only count in horse shoes and hand grenades, Steph. We don't really have to have the whole birds and bees discussion, do we?"

"It isn't that," I said. "I do know how things work."

"I know you can't be that trusting. I haven't had a vasectomy. Do you do the shot or are you on the pill?"

He'd crossed his legs funny at the use of the 'v' word. Why do men get so worried about their testicles?

"Neither. I have an IUD."

"I didn't think they made them anymore."

"Well they do, and it's been in place and unused since its installation several months ago. Pretty much I'm able to be spontaneous provided that my partner doesn't have any diseases. You don't do you? Because I know that I'm clean."

He shook his head, indicating he was disease free.

"Do you want children?" he asked.

"Not right now and probably not ever," I said. "I like kids that aren't in diapers and are over the age of five. I don't think I got the maternal gene passed down to me. What about you?"

"I haven't done such a bang up job with John and I'll be ancient by the time the next one is in high school."

"You wouldn't be ancient, you'd be well seasoned. Experienced."

"I'd rather not have another one," he said quietly.

"If there were an accident?" I asked. I hadn't planned to have any children, but I wasn't able to destroy an innocent life if I did find myself pregnant.

"Accidents happen. I'd love it, raise it and look at it as a blessing I hadn't expected. I'd count myself lucky and not cursed."

Good answer.

"What about religions?" I asked. "We aren't quite on the same page."

"Actually, we're closer than you think. The religious holidays match pretty closely and have a lot of the same fundamentals. One of the biggest differences is that Wicca is more about sending love out into the world than making more grief, guilt or anxiety."

"I'm all for love and I'd like less grief, guilt and anxiety."

He leaned into me and kissed me gently.

"Can you explain something to me?" I asked.

"Sure. Something troubling you?"

"Before I went to the Beltane festival with Woody…"

"Yes," he said obviously changing body language, no longer quite so relaxed.

"We talked about the Great Rite and what it would mean between us if we did it. He also talked about how if he could keep his emotions out of it and see sex as just a ritual, he could 'get laid at least twenty times per year'. I thought the Great Rite was like twice a year. Was he going to go at it each holiday with ten different women?"

He laughed and looked relieved. I guess he wasn't privy to all of Woody's conversations with me.

"No. Normally the Great Rite is honored twice a year. Let me backtrack to the Wiccan calendar. There are eight major sabbats or holidays."

"Yeah, Ronny explained something like that to me."

"And most of them are seasonal or between seasons."

"OK."

"Plus, a lot of people honor the Goddess on each full moon."

_Where is this leading?_

"So, a lot of people honor the Goddess each holiday and each full moon, that would take you to twenty. Some of us," he said looking directly at me, "like to honor her on the dark of each moon too."

"Oh. But I thought you didn't honor those holidays anymore."

"It was more because I didn't have someone special in my life. I'd really like to get back into regular devotion. Do you have any objection to helping me honor my Goddess thirty-two times per year?"

"Honor how?"

"Most likely sexually. It's the purest form of prayer there can be. It's the ultimate joining of the male and female energy. When two people become one, there's nothing more powerful in the world."

"What would I need to do?"

"Whatever comes naturally. Be yourself. Let me love you in anyway you desire or need. Just know the nights it would be specifically to honor the Great Rite, I tend to be _very_ thorough; it might take me hours."

Ok, I thought I'd ruined my panties before, now they were completely destroyed. Good thing my uniform pants are dark because there would be a definite dark mark in those as well.

"Yeah, sure. I can do that." _Oh my God_. "Do you have some water? It's feeling kind of warm in here."

He went into the kitchen and retrieved two bottles of cold water.

"Now, I want you to know that it would be more than a ritual for me," he said. "It would be making love to you as a total person; total devotion to you, your pleasure, a restatement of my commitment to you." _Wow_. "I can't act something that's that important to me."

"I wouldn't want you to," I said. _Definitely I need new panties. It was getting a little warm in here. Is it really November? It feels more like August in here._

"I realized this morning just how much I feel for you," he said. "I want to be able to do that with you all of the time."

_Mutual heavy petting and fondling?_

"You fit in my arms like you were designed to be there. You make me realize how important the physical as well as emotional connections between a man and a woman are. When I woke up this morning, it occurred to me how much I loved having you in my arms, moving under my hands, responding to my mouth."

"I liked that a lot too." I took a long swig of water, this wasn't a really comfortable topic to talk about; I was much better at doing it. The temperature just kept climbing in this room, I was certainly going to melt soon.

"What I'm not saying very well is that I've already fallen in love with you. You don't have to say it back. You don't even have to feel it, but I need to know if it is possible for you to feel the same way."

I closed my eyes and nodded.

A/N: thanks as always for reading and reviewing ... Alf.


	6. Chapter 6

Standard Disclaimers, blah blah…

To those who have done beta for me, I salute you one and all!!!!!

"_What I'm not saying very well is that I've already fallen in love with you. You don't have to say it back. You don't even have to feel it, but I need to know if it is possible for you to feel the same way."_

_I closed my eyes and nodded. _

**After Samhain …  
the follow up to Nothing But Time on My Hands  
Ram's Pairing Chapter 6  
by Alfonsina**

"You know that I don't express feelings very well, right?" I asked when I opened my eyes. "My parents told me they loved me when I graduated from high school, college, and the day I married Dickie. My mom told me recently that they always believed that it was easier and better to say it with food, which is why she always sends me home with leftovers. I don't know how to cook very well. And I'm usually crummy with words.

He smiled. "I've heard you say it to Woody on more than one occasion."

"I can say it to Woody because it's a friendly, no strings attached kind of a love. I don't say it to Woody in the romantic 'here's my heart and don't hurt it' kind of a way."

The smile faded just a little.

"I love you like I love Woody, and more than that. I'm just scared about saying it when it means _everything_."

The smile returned but it still wasn't as bright as I would have liked.

"I want to love you completely and totally," I said quietly. "I'm afraid."

He pulled me into his arms and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid of pretty much everything when it comes to relationships. My track record isn't very good."

"I promise to do my best not to break your heart," he said as he kissed me. "Talk to me when things are overwhelming. Talk to me when things are boring. Just keep talking to me and things should be a lot better."

He definitely wasn't Ranger. He was volunteering to listen to my babble and help me work stuff out. He was unlike any man I'd ever been involved with at any level, including my father.

"Well, I sure know how to kill a mood, don't I?" I asked.

"No, you are being honest and that's what I want from you. Why don't I go next door to say good night to John? I'll be back in a couple of minutes."

"M'kay."

I went into the powder room and found some toilet paper to blow my nose. I hate being emotional or vulnerable with anybody, it just isn't me.

He came back in a couple of minutes later and found me sitting on the stairs.

"You know I think you are perfect, right?" he asked.

He obviously hasn't checked my bank balance, looked at my skin in harsh lighting, talked to my mother, or discovered my real and true obsession with shoes.

"I think you probably deserve better," I said.

"Why all the self doubt?"

"Because I've met your ex-wife and I really like her. I'm nothing like her. She's smart, organized, talented and has a great sense of humor."

"I'm glad you aren't her. You are you. I think you are pretty amazing," he said kissing my doubts away.

"So, when is the next lunar cycle?" I asked; let the goddess worship begin and quickly.

"About that, we have a little problem."

"What's the problem?"

"I have to go out of town for a while."

"Business or pleasure?"

"Business. Ranger sent me an e-mail late this afternoon that he wants me to put the guys in the Boston and Atlanta offices through their paces over the course of the next month. I've seen his itinerary and it looks like I'll get some weekends off, but not all of them."

Sounds like Ranger is trying to prevent me from going too fast with this change in my life. Jerk.

"When do you leave?"

"Wednesday. I'll be gone ten days. I'll have a weekend home and be gone another ten days."

At least we'd have the weekend together.

"I still want to wait until you are sure how you feel about me," he said.

"But what about _need fulfillment_," I was beginning to whine.

"I'll help you with that, it would be my pleasure," he growled.

Well, he was pretty damned good at that. And he did have amazing hands, trigger control was going up significantly in my estimation. I could live with that, if I had to even though my body kept craving more.

"Will you spend the night? Last night was the best sleep I've had in a very long time," I asked. He really did make a great back warmer, plus the wakeup call wasn't too bad either.

"Sure, if you'll tell me something first."

"Shoot."

"Am I mistaken, or did you wax _everything_?"

"Well, let's put it this way, if you'd decided to complete the Great Rite in the traditional manner, you'd have seen for yourself."

"Did you do that with me in mind?"

"Nope. I did it for the panties."

He looked at me; it was one of the few times I couldn't easily read his look.

I continued, "I picked out some amazing panties that I thought would look better without so much under them, so I sacrificed comfort for fashion."

He groaned.

"I missed it?"

"Yep. Not planning to do a re-run of that anytime soon. It hurts a lot. I don't enjoy pain."

"Will you model them for me sometime?"

"Maybe if you're really good," I teased.

"How about if I'm really bad?"

"If you are really, really bad, I _might_ _just maybe_ volunteer to have things waxed again so you'll know what you missed out on the first time. But you'll have to pay for it; it's one thing to volunteer for pain and something else to pay for the privilege."

"You're going to be the death of me, you know that, right?"

"Counting on it. I want to give you something to think about when you're gone."

"Don't remind me," he said. "Be back in a couple of minutes. I'm going to put a couple of things in a bag."

~x~x~

The next day I made an appointment to talk to Ranger. I wanted to be calm, cool and collected. I also wanted to walk out of the meeting still employed.

"Did you do that intentionally?" I asked once I'd closed the doors.

"Do what, exactly?"

"You're sending Ram out of town for almost a month. Did you do that to sabotage our relationship?"

"You know better than that, Babe."

"Do I? Are you sure you didn't do it to drive a wedge between us?"

"No. If I wanted to get in the way or cause problems, we both know I can do it easily."

He was right, he could. He could start to apply pressure to the point where I might do something I would regret later.

"Can you prove it?"

"I don't have to prove anything, Steph. This is my company. You both work for me. Ram is range master for the company and there are several new employees that need to have their skills evaluated and elevated."

I was going to say something, but thought better of it.

"If you get a little breathing room before things get intense, it might be a good thing all the way around," he said.

He did have a point. Ram had said he wanted to go slowly and we were very much on the fast track at this juncture.

I nodded, "Ok, then. Thanks for hearing me out."

~x~x~

Something I'd been learning about Ram, he liked his privacy and he did things in his own way.

When he said we'd be shopping for a bed, I'd sort of figured we'd be shopping in Trenton. Seemed he liked Philly for a lot of things: museums, firearms related items, furniture.

We left early on Saturday morning after breakfast. John wanted to go with us, but Christina had chores for him. It was just as well, I didn't know how I felt taking a twelve year old bed shopping.

Ram made me climb on each bed with him and spoon. We had been on top of six beds and none felt quite right.

"Are you newlyweds?" the saleswoman asked.

"Not yet. I thought we'd go bed shopping first," Ram said.

I looked at him, what was the _not yet_ thing he just said?

"What size bed are you looking for?"

"Queen," he said. "Pillow top."

I'd always owned a double, but a queen would be roomier. I might just lose him altogether on a king.

She directed us to a different section of the store and left us alone to try out more beds. We tried every bed in the store, twice. Then we went to the next furniture store and yet another.

"Just how picky are you?" I asked.

"Steph, most people don't have to buy a new bed every two years," he said. I knew he was referring to the fact my apartment had been firebombed more than once and I'd lost the furniture each time.

Point made.

~x~x~

It took most of the day, but finally Ram found a bed _we both_ could agree on. I've played Goldilocks my fair share; I've just never played it with someone before. He spent what I thought was a fortune on the bed; he said it was an investment.

We did a tour of second hand and consignment stores for bedroom furniture. He wanted _real wood_ furniture, nothing pre-fabricated. He didn't care about scratches or dings, he wanted something with personality. We found a mahogany set from the 1910s that needed to be refinished in a big way, but it had a dresser, chest of drawers, two night stands and a mirror. Good thing Ram brought his work truck, things barely fit.

"So you want me to help you refinish it?" I asked.

"Have you ever done anything like it before?"

"Yeah, a long time ago with my grandfather. It's been forever, but it could be a lot of fun. I just don't promise what the results will look like."

"I think it could be fun to put our own stamp on the furniture."

"Actually, I thought it looked pretty good the way it was. You know, just a little sanding and varnishing. Unless you have a heated garage, this project should probably wait until spring."

"Hey, while I'm gone, if there's an emergency, can you pinch hit for Christina or Gloria?"

"Pardon?"

"Once in a while stuff just kind of comes up, would you mind helping if she really needed it?"

"I guess, would they be OK with it?"

"Absolutely, thanks Curly," he said as he pulled on a loose strand of hair.

"Curly? You mean like one of the Three Stooges, Curly?"

He looked at me. _Of course that was what he meant._

"You have to admit your hair is kind of curly."

He said it like it was a new thing for me and I hadn't seen it in the mirror yet.

"True enough, but I'm not so sure I want to be associated with the Stooges."

"What about other terms of endearment?"

I thought about it. "Cupcake, babe, sweetheart and darling are all out."

"I can see the cupcake and the babe, why the others?"

"My grandmother was always sweetheart to my grandfather when he was mad at her. Same thing with my parents and the word darling. If you're mad at me, just be mad at me, don't try to sugar coat it, OK?"

"Gotcha. Thanks doll face."

Perfect. Looks like I'm going to wind up with yet another stupid nickname. At least he isn't using Wonder Woman.

~x~x~

Sunday was uneventful, Ram did his thing around his place and I did my own at home. I'd talked to my mom about the fact I was dating someone new and if Grandma was on her best behavior, I'd bring him around for dinner. They took the fact that I even mentioned dating a man as implied consent to bring him to dinner. I gave in to family pressure, again. Ram was a good sport and showed up at dinner.

Turned out Grandma wasn't on her best behavior, she was herself. She pinched, teased, asked inappropriate questions and before we left offered Ram a 'care package'. It was a large paper grocery bag and it was extremely heavy. I hadn't warned him about Grandma and her care packages, so he accepted it. I think she crowed when he'd said yes and thanked her for her thoughtfulness.

"Evan, I hate to tell you this, but it isn't going to be what you think."

"I thought you said your family sent you home with leftovers. I was kind of hoping for brownies."

"My mother supplies the leftovers. Grandma, well, let's say she has very broad horizons."

"This could be interesting."

Oh brother.

I'd known enough to decline Grandma's packages almost my entire adult life. I'd accepted one at my bachelorette party when I married the Dick, that's when I learned what she meant by 'care package'. I'd turned four shades of red and had to leave my own party for half an hour to get control of my embarrassment.

When we got back to my apartment, he wanted to open the package from Grandma. He's a guy, of course he did. Actually, he wanted to open it in the bedroom; I insisted on the kitchen table. You never know what you'll get from Grandma.

I had been hoping for an assortment of flavored oils, colored condoms and batteries. Grandma had higher aspirations for the two of us, I guess. Her little bag contained all sorts of things.

I got some water from the fridge and sat next to him at the kitchen table. He pulled out a box of flavored, glow in the dark condoms.

"We won't be needing those," I said quickly.

"I don't know, could be interesting to see if I could surprise you in the middle of the night with a beacon."

"Pass.

He pulled out a small box that was marked "Vibrating Cock Ring"

"That could be interesting," I said hoping he'd say things like 'no way in hell'.

"I think you might really enjoy that. Nice choice."

Ok, red face all over again.

I pulled out a book turned it over and started to laugh. The Pop Up Kama Sutra Book. "Appropriate."

"I think I know where things go, Steph."

"You're missing the joke: 'pop-up'."

"OK, so I won't be offended this time."

Jeesh.

It was his turn to reach in the bag of wonders, or was it horrors? He pulled out 'Body Shot Liqueur Night Cap Flavors'. They were all coffee based.

"Did you tell your grandmother about me and coffee?"

"Nope. She loves coffee, must have just been a lucky guess."

It was feeling a little like Christmas, opening all kinds of surprises. I might not have been quite so embarrassed if they hadn't all been from my grandmother. OK, I'd still be pretty embarrassed.

I retrieved a copy of Sex for Dummies.

"Moving right along," I said as I stuck my hand back in the bag. I found the vibrating nipple clamps.

"Those could be fun," he said.

"You'll have to tell me what you think of them after you've used them then."

He looked at me like I was being intentionally dim.

"Buster, you've got nipples. If you want to have some pain and vibration, knock yourself out."

"Spoilsport."

Ass.

He stuck his hand in and found a bottle of Astroglide.

"Need help in that department?" he asked.

"No."

I found a large box of votive candles. Neither of us could think of anything to say about those.

He got the large Costco container of AA batteries.

"Something I should know about?" he asked with a wink.

"Probably she's planning for a power outage or something." I thought about it and said, "You could probably use them for _your_ vibrating cock ring and _your_ nipple clamps." He paled visibly. _Gotcha_.

He stuck his hand in the bag rather than condone my comment. He withdrew a large, purple, nubby, silicone vibrator with a remote control.

"Could be the batteries are for this? Have fantasies of Barney the Dinosaur, do you?"

"I'm not the one who picked it out. I've never bought anything like that before." _Just because Lula bought one for me that I'd safely hidden in the closet means absolutely nothing_.

At this point, he became a five year old boy and turned the bag over. I think he was tired of the interplay and wanted to see what else was in the bag of goodies. We had: Red Vines Licorice Ropes, fathers, bath salts, chocolate sauce and The Idiot's Guide to Tantric Sex.

"Is this a hint that you don't think I'm up to speed on things?" he asked indicating the three books.

"No. I haven't said anything to anyone about where we are in this relationship. Grandma has a sense of fun and adventure. She evidently thinks that I don't and is hoping you'll be a good influence on me."

"Ah, so we need to spice up your life?"

That was what I'd been hoping for, but we hadn't gotten quite there yet.

"Not exactly. It's more like these are things Grandma wished she had access to once upon a time and thinks everyone feels the same way."

"And you?"

"Not so into the gadgets and battery operated stuff. I have a feeling you could probably have written those books yourself. I've always liked anything chocolate and Red Vines, especially at the movies," I said with a shrug.

He examined the boxes. None of them had been tampered with. Based on some of the artwork on the front they weren't exactly new, but weren't older than I was, so that was a plus. How long had Grandma been building her collection anyway?

"Don't throw them away, OK?" he asked. "You might need some _help_ while I'm gone."

Oh boy.

"I thought we weren't going to, you know," I said trying to keep the red out of my face and my breathing even.

"We aren't, but there are still things we can explore together," he said. "Want to play Christopher Columbus?"

"What?"

"You know, we could explore unknown places together."

Sounds like as long as we avoided actual penetration, he'd be game for almost anything. Didn't that defeat the whole purpose of waiting? Was he a politician in a past lifetime?

"About that," I said, "my period started during dinner."

"You're kidding, right?"

I shook my head.

"It doesn't bother me, if it doesn't bother you."

Later on that knowledge could be valuable. Sometimes certain _activities_ could distract me from the discomfort of cramps, done for purely medicinal purposes, you know?

"Well, it's like this. I've got some monster cramps right now, and there are only four things that work."

He arched an eyebrow and waited me out.

"Chocolate, lots of Advil, a heating pad and sleep."

"How are you situated for supplies? Let me know if I need to go to the store," he said. "Do I need to put you to bed?"

OK, he's just moved up in my estimation considerably, again. Men just don't volunteer to cruise the feminine hygiene aisle. He obviously has no issues about his masculinity.

"I'm not going to die from this," I said with a sigh. "It just hurts and makes me a little extra cranky."

"Want me to help you feel better?" he asked.

I was up for almost anything that would get rid of these cramps; for me the first day is always the worst.

"Take a warm shower and put on something loose to sleep in when you're done," he said handing me some water and Advil.

When I came out of the bathroom ready for bed, my apartment was dark except for a couple of candles. A shirtless and barefoot Ram was waiting for me on the bed with a small Hershey's bar. Was he a Boy Scout when he was younger? He was ready for about anything.

"Steph, I forgot to ask if you had any lotion in the bathroom."

"Why?" I asked as I retreated back to the bathroom to grab the lotion from the tub.

"There's more than one way to release tension and pain," he said handing me the chocolate. "Dissolve that under your tongue, it works better that way."

No way was I going to argue with a man who would provide me with the food of the gods.

"Face down," he said pouring a generous quantity of lotion into his palm.

I climbed onto the bed and went face first into the pillows. He started to knead away all the tension in my body starting at my legs and working his way to my shoulders and down my arms.

"Over," he said as he prepared to start again. He avoided any places which might have caused embarrassment or discomfort for me.

When he was done, he asked, "Any better?"

"Kind of. The parts that didn't hurt before feel wonderful," I sighed. "But the cramps are still pretty much here."

"Trust me?" he asked.

"Yes."

"I'm going to put my hand across your belly. I want you to move it to where you feel most of the pain. Then I want for you to close your eyes and breathe. Can you do that?"

"Yes."

His hand was large and way too high to do me any good. I moved it down until it covered my barely there panties. His hand felt warm and safe and the discomfort began to wick away. I looked at him from under the slits of my eyes. His own eyes were closed and he was moving his lips. He looked very much at peace.

After about three minutes he asked if I felt better.

"Much. Thank you for taking care of me. You're always taking care of me," I said with a yawn.

"Ready for lights out?" he asked removing his hand from its resting place.

"Yes, but only if you'll come back."

It was odd, but once he'd removed his hand the cramping seemed to start all over again, just not as extreme was it had been.

He blew out the candles, double checked the lock on the door and stepped out of his pants.

"It feels better when you touch me," I said. "How do you do that?"

"Magic," he said as he kissed me. "Do you want another story or do you want something else tonight?"

"You tell great stories," I said. "No one's told me stories since I was a little girl. When you do it, I have the sweetest dreams. They almost feel like memories."

"Your wish is my command, princess," he said as he adjusted the blankets. He put his hand back where it had been and immediately the discomfort began to once again seep out of my body.

He told me the story of a little boy who went camping for the first time on the front porch of his parents' house because he wanted to be independent and safe at the same time.

I was almost asleep when I heard him whisper, "May you feel safe and loved all the days of your life. Sweet dreams, little girl."

A/N: Thanks as always for reading and reviewing ... it means the world.


	7. Chapter 7

Standard disclaimers, like always.

They used to say 'everything's better with butter.' I say, 'everything's better with BETA!'

Happy Thanksgiving one and all.

**After Samhain …  
the follow up to Nothing But Time on My Hands  
Ram's Pairing Chapter 7  
By Alfonsina**

I only saw Ram at work before he left on his trip. He wanted to spend as much time with John as he could. I understood, but I missed him even though he didn't live all that far away.

While he was in Boston, Ram called while he was gone every night before he went to sleep. If either of us had envisioned having phone sex, we were both wrong. Ok, so I felt strange that we might do it, but I'd kind of hoped we might do _something_. Turns out that it was more important just to talk to each other. Before he hung up every night, he'd tell me a short story or a part of a longer one. Always he ended with the words, "May you feel safe and loved all the days of your life." He said them with reverence and it almost felt like a prayer; it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Ram was home long enough to catch up on the day to day stuff that we take for granted. You know, watering the plants, doing laundry, sleeping in his own bed and packing to leave so he could do it all over again. Actually, I did his laundry and cleaned out his fridge; he could handle the detail work. It was easier to see him leave the second time.

I guess Ram's being gone wouldn't have bothered me quite so much, but his trips had him gone over Thanksgiving. I wasn't really sure I wanted to do Thanksgiving with his family without him and I didn't want to do it with mine. I was saved from myself when I was called in to cover for Manny; he had a family emergency. It was just a standard surveillance shift.

I called Ram before I headed out so he'd know I wasn't going to be available for our nightly talk. He asked me to call him when I got in so he could say 'good night'. How sweet.

I was going to be paired with Ranger for the evening. I met him in my parking lot at the designated time.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Ranger," I said as I climbed into the cab of his truck.

"Same to you, Babe."

I'd sort of hoped that I'd be paired with Lester, Brett or Zip; they all talked. I was probably in for another night of silence. At least I wasn't going to have to deal with the zoo at my mother's house.

"Not celebrating this year?"

"I usually work the holidays to let the guys with families celebrate."

"That's nice of you. But don't you ever want to see Julie or your own folks on the holidays?"

"I can see them whenever I need to; the holidays are a big deal for some of these guys. They aren't such a big deal for me."

"But…"

He looked at me as he raised his eyebrow daring me to say more.

"It's nice of you to cover for them," I finally said. I still didn't know who all was married and who had significant relationships. From all appearances, Ranger was doing his imitation of the lone wolf again this holiday season.

We drove in silence and parked in front of an old warehouse building. He handed me the file so I could know who and what we were looking for. At this point, I knew better than to try to make idle conversation with Ranger. I'd get one word answers and frustrate myself in the process.

I noticed a baggie and a thermos on the consul when I'd gotten into the truck, but didn't think much about it. If there was little talking on a surveillance shift with Ranger, eating was all but non-existent. OK, so I ate from time to time, but Ranger was always too wrapped up in observing whatever it was he was looking at to ever consider eating.

About two hours in he opened the bag and withdrew two travel type mugs. "Hot chocolate?" he asked.

What? Ranger talking? He was offering drinks, hot chocolate? Strange.

"Please," I said when I realized he'd actually spoken and it wasn't just my imagination.

We sipped and sat in silence.

Another hour passed and he opened the bag again. "Sandwich?"

"Thank you," I said as I accepted the well wrapped sandwich.

"It's turkey, in honor of Thanksgiving."

"Very thoughtful of you. Thank you again."

He ate in silence and I watched him. Part of me would always love him and desire him, but some of the chemistry was starting to fade a little.

"I wouldn't have been enough for you," he said after he finished. "Would I?"

"What?"

"Me, my life, my work."

"That's not true. You would have been more than enough."

"Ram's more stable, a better choice."

"Ram doesn't have the same life you do," I said. "He wants a commitment. That's what we were missing, commitment. We had the rest of it in spades."

"I know. In terms of business I'm good at contracts, deadlines, and expiration dates. I can't look beyond six months into my own future," he said quietly. "You always deserved a future that was limitless."

"At one point, six months would have been enough."

"And now?"

"I wish I could say it was; it isn't any more," I said feeling miserable. "I love you."

He looked at me and tried to bring me in for a kiss. I put my hand on his chest and shook my head.

"Do you remember telling me once that there's all kinds of love?"

He moved his head a fraction.

"I've been working on figuring that out for myself for a long time. It made me realize that it is OK to love more than one man at a time. I can love as many people as I want; being in love is a little different though. I can only _be in love_ with one man at a time. It also made me realize that love is limitless and the more you give away, the more you receive. Too bad my bank balance doesn't work that way."

"Do you love Ram?"

"I think so, but it's a different love than the one I feel for you. You're incredibly special to me. You have a huge piece of my heart, but I'd never be able to give it all to you."

"Why?"

"You just said yourself that you can't look more than six months into your own future. We make amazing friends and would probably do well as lovers, for a period of time. Long term, I think I'd resent coming in last to work commitments, other people's needs, never seeing you on holidays. I'd want more than six months at a time with you. I'd never let my guard down when I know my time could be up at any minute."

"You're the only woman I even think about for as long as six months," he said.

"I know. Ram's looking for long term and a commitment. He actually said that in so many words on our first date."

Ranger looked surprised, not a look he wears often.

"He didn't want to play around only to find out later that we both want different things."

"You want that, with him?"

"I'm pretty sure, yeah. Oh and thanks for sending him away," I said.

He said nothing. Ranger is famous for saying nothing. Ranger can say nothing for hours at a time.

"Because?" he finally asked.

"Because we've talked on the phone every night. Because distance has made us listen to what the other one has to say about things. Because there's no chemistry to fight or to get sidetracked by, you have to deal with things with words."

"I shouldn't have sent him out of town," he said.

"You really did want to drive a wedge, didn't you?"

"I'll always be a selfish bastard when it comes to you. Cookie?"

I took the sugar cookie from his hand and asked, "You aren't going to make his life difficult are you? If you are I can quit my job so I'm out of the equation." Wait a minute, Ranger had cookies? What else was in that bag?

"If he ever hurts you, then he will experience a whole new world of pain and suffering. You don't need to quit your job, I like seeing you around the office. You do good work. Besides, I'd miss you."

"Thanks."

The rest of the evening was spent in silence. We'd cleared the air some and shared a meal; it was comfortable if not a little poignant.

I called Ram after I got home and had gotten into my jammies. It was late and I felt badly about waking him. He said he really hadn't been sleeping, just dozing.

It was a short conversation, and I ended it with 'love you'. It wasn't the three little words he wanted to hear, but it was close.

"Steph, are you ok?" he asked not disconnecting the call.

"Of course. Why?"

"Just making sure. Sweet dreams, princess. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you."

Wow.

~x~x~

I've given a lot of thought to and about love since May. Ranger had been right about the 'all kinds of love'; that phrase used to make me crazy. There's love of family and friends, love of things and places. The unconditional love for an animal is pretty powerful, I loved Rex but I think I'd need a dog to feel the love returned. Rex isn't that demonstrative once he's fed. There's the love that turns your world completely upside down; it's fragile while it's strong.

In the same way that there are all kinds of love, there are all kinds of expressions of love. I'd already told Ram that my family says it with food. Ranger had said it with cars and jobs. Morelli said it with nagging about my life and safety. Ram seemed to be saying it all of the time, but always in different ways. That realization paralyzed me with fear.

When he'd coerced me into range time and proficiency with my firearm, he was telling me he loved me enough to make me safe. The entire time we'd been trading e-mails and he'd sent the flowers and gifts, he made me feel special. When he'd taken my pain away and just touched me, it had all been based in love. Someone's hands feel differently on your body when the touch is loving versus when it is clinical.

He'd even told me in so many words that he was in love with me and he wasn't a man who spoke because he liked the sound of his own voice.

He'd been making love to me for weeks without having sex with me.

Oh God.

~x~x~

When Ram finally got home from the second leg of his trip, he was exhausted. He said it was because he was an old man, I think he just likes his own bed. You never sleep quite the same when you're away from home or eat the same.

I picked him up at the airport and it was kind of like the date we'd had where we'd gone to the airport to neck. It seemed like he knew where all of the secluded corners were in the baggage claim department; I was going to need to find out exactly how much time he'd spent at the airport to know it quite so well.

I asked if he'd gotten anything for his ex or his son while he'd been gone.

"Is that important?"

"She watched your house and all kids want something, anything, when their dad gets back from being gone."

"Do you want anything?" he asked.

"Nope, just glad you're back."

~x~x~

We had dinner at his favorite Chinese place before I was going to take him home so he could unwind and unpack. Alone.

"Trying to get rid of me, Steph?"

"No. You've been gone a while and I know they'll want to see you. Quality time and all that jazz."

Actually, I was trying to get rid of him. Even though I'd come to my own realizations, I was going to end it before things got more involved.

"Can I come over later tonight?"

"You may not want to," I said quietly.

"Has there been a development I'm unaware of?" He sounded a little uncertain.

"Yes and no. My period started this morning so there won't be any explorations of any kind tonight." I figured that if I used the 'no sex' and 'no intimacy' cards, he'd be fine with not staying over.

"You think all I'm after right now is sex? You've got to be kidding me."

"No, it's not that. I'm just not good company when I'm all crampy and bloated."

"I'll make you feel better, you have my word."

I knew he could and that he really wanted to, but I couldn't let him.

I shook my head.

"You don't trust me or you don't want me to help you?"

"I need to go," I said trying to move my chair away from the table.

"No, you don't. I want to know what's going on." He was sounding a little bit angry.

"Not here, OK?"

I dug around my purse for my keys, but could barely find them. When I did, I surrendered them to him.

"I knew going out of town was a bad idea," he said. I'm not sure who he was angry at: himself, Ranger or me.

He got behind the wheel of my car and drove to my apartment. He didn't even say a word in the elevator or when he unlocked my door.

We sat on the sofa and he said, "Talk to me." It was almost like he was channeling Ranger, but it was more than Ranger's standard issue, "Talk."

"I've been thinking a lot about things since you've been gone," I started out slowly. "And I think I'm probably not the right person for you."

"I don't think that's for you to decide."

"It sort of is, because it takes two to have a relationship and I don't think I'm qualified to be part of this relationship."

"You didn't seem to have any doubts a month ago."

"Thanksgiving when I was on a stakeout with Ranger, we talked. Actually I talked and I realized some things about love and relationships. I love Ranger and I probably always will."

"I should probably go. I'll see you around the office, Steph," he said standing to leave.

"It isn't like that. What I mean is," I said, "there are all kinds of love. I'm crummy at words and wish there were more words to describe love."

"Not really wanting to explore the philosophy of love with you. Night." He began to walk away from me and toward the door.

"I think I'm in love with you," I said quietly. "Good bye."

I rose and went into my bedroom and closed the door. There are some times when I wish I were twelve and still had a teddy bear, but I don't. I pulled one of the pillows off the bed and sat on the floor and held it for all I was worth.

I waited to hear the door close and latch; then I remembered he worked for Ranger. Part of the job requirement was to be like a puff of smoke and vanish at will. Somehow I'd gotten a pass on that particular job requirement.

It felt like I sat there for hours. Time kind of stands still when there's no outside stimulus, you know? There was no clock ticking, no radio or television playing, and no voices coming from the other side of the wall. Just me, my pillow and the little voice in my head screaming at me.

A tiny beam of light cracked through the doorway and I saw Ram with a glass of water and something in his hand.

"Will you say that again?" he asked. "I'm pretty sure I didn't hear you right."

"I think I love you," I whispered. "But all I do is take from you. You deserve someone who can give you everything. Please leave."

"Take these," he said holding out his hands.

Ever the obedient child, I accepted the pills and the water. Jesus. I was taking from him again. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"I still want you to leave," I said.

"No, you don't," he said. "You're wrong, very wrong."

"No, I'm not. You've done nothing but give to me since this whole thing started. You've been selfless, generous, amazing, kind and loving. I've been needy. Before you realize just how lopsided this whole thing is, I want to end it. When my heart breaks this time, there won't be enough glue to put the pieces back together."

"Like I said, you _are_ wrong. You give me the intangibles, daily. You're acceptance of me, even when you didn't know it was me, was pretty heady stuff. I'd been shut down for several years and didn't think I needed anyone or anything in my life. I was living without feeling. You broke down my defenses a little at a time. I didn't realize how cold I'd been; I've become a better father and ex-husband since I've known you."

"That's what friends are for," I said. "Now, be a friend and lock up when you leave."

"Are you so convinced that I'm going to break your heart?" he asked not moving. He was big enough that even if I had the energy I couldn't hustle him out if I had to.

"Yes." It came out as a whisper.

"Why?"

"Because it seems like as soon as I surrender my heart and drop all of my defenses, someone breaks it. It happens every time and I can't let it happen again."

"Have you dropped your defenses again?"

"Yes." The word came out in a shuttering breath.

"For me?" he asked as he sank to his knees beside me.

"Yeah, pretty much. That's why I want you to leave. There won't be anyone there to put the pieces together for me when this is over."

"You know, you aren't being very fair to me."

"Maybe not. But this is the first time in my life I've been able to think about things before I got hurt. I hate getting hurt."

He kissed me softly and said, "I hate that you've been hurt so many times. I promise not to cause you any pain."

He moved the hair away from my face and lifted my chin so I'd have to look him in the eyes. It was a quiet contest of wills, neither of us wanting to break eye contact. The first one to look down, look away or blink would cause the silence to be broken.

"Will you let me take away your pain tonight? It seemed to work the last time," said the victor.

"M'kay," I said as I tried to get off the floor. I was tired and didn't want to fight.

We had an almost exact rerun of the last night we'd slept together. He got me comfy and relaxed on the bed and then he put his hand where I physically hurt the most. When most of the cramping was gone, I moved his hand and placed it over my heart. I hoped that he could fix that, too.

The next morning, he was still in bed when I woke. I realized what had been said and how stupid I must have sounded; I had no idea how he would cope with things. I ventured to the bathroom to get a drink of water, rinse my mouth and threaten my hair. I was about to go to the kitchen to turn on the coffee pot when I realized I wasn't the only one who was awake.

"Morning," he said gruffly. "Before you worry about work today, I called in for both of us last night."

"Excuse me? I don't get paid if I don't work. I've got at least two FTAs I'll need to catch today if I'm going to buy Christmas presents for anybody."

"I'll help you get your skips, if you come back to bed. Please?"

"I'm not tired," I said looking for an easy out.

"I am. All I've wanted for the last month is to hold you in my arms, please don't deprive me."

I crawled back into bed and lifted the blankets to take a peek at 'things'. Nothing was in the upright or locked position, so I realized he didn't have an ulterior motive.

"I want to make love to you," he said in muffled, muted tones. Evidently he'd forgotten I was dealing with the red plague.

"I don't enjoy it when I'm cramping," I said.

"I didn't say anything about sex, Stephanie. I want to make love to you." He rolled next to me and placed his hand on my belly. "You've still got some ugly cramps."

"How can you tell?" Other than by my charming wit and demeanor?

"Magic. Let me make them go away again, OK?"

"I still don't want to have sex right now."

"Making the pain go away is one way that I can make love to you," he said. "Are you always this cranky when you have your period?"

"Yep. Sorry."

"It's just something I'll have to get used to. Now you need to try to relax and be quiet for this to work."

After a couple of minutes he moved his hand away and rested it on my heart and left it there.

When I opened my eyes some time later, I saw him sitting up on the bed looking concerned.

"Are you OK now?"

"Much better, thanks. What exactly are you doing when you touch me like that?"

"I'm sending love into your body to heal your pain and discomfort," he said simply.

"You can do that?"

"Done it for years. You do palms, I do love. I just haven't sent concentrated love to anyone in a very long time. It's kind of like falling off a bicycle; you never forget the experience."

"And when you make love to someone?"

"Sexually, you mean?" he asked.

I nodded feeling a little foolish.

"Same thing, but a lot more intense."

No wonder he'd wanted to wait.

"I'm not ready now. I thought I was, but I'm not."

"I know. It doesn't change how I feel about you," he said. "Will you let me know when you are ready?"

"You probably think I'm a stupid female right about now."

"Nope. I think you need to know that just being you is enough. Everybody has foibles and flaws, no one is perfect."

No shit. Some days I think I stood in line twice when God was handing out imperfections.

"Will you let me fulfill some of your needs until I'm ready?"

"Only if you want to. I'm not pressuring you into or out of anything, Steph."

"I know. And for the record, I want to."

"OK, but not today."

We cleaned up and reviewed the two outstanding FTAs I had on my list. They were sisters in their late 20s arrested for shoplifting for shoplifting. Welcome to the holiday spirit, if you can't pay for it, help yourself. He didn't have any clean uniforms, but had a nice pair of jeans and sweater. Even though I knew he cleaned up nicely, it was still nice to see him not in the uniform du jour.

Neither woman had been arrested before and shared an apartment; nice and convenient for me. It would have been nicer if the bonds had been higher.

Normally, when it's my skip, I do the door knocking and speech thing. This time, I decided to let Ram take the lead. He knocked on the door, asked for the women and flashed a smile. Both exited the apartment and quick as a wink, we got them restrained. No muss, no fuss, no hassle.

A/N: Thank you, as always, for reading and reviewing … Alf.


	8. Chapter 8

_Standard disclaimers and thanks, as per usual …_

**After Samhain …  
the follow up to Nothing But Time on My Hands  
Ram's Pairing Chapter 8  
by Alfonsina**

After we got the FTAs processed and collected the body receipts, I asked to go to the bonds office so I could get paid.

"Can I drop you off there for a couple of hours?" he asked. "I've got some personal stuff to take care of."

"Only if I can take in something from the bakery. Seems like some days they don't really care about me, all they care about is sugar."

"Good to know your audience."

"Exactly."

Connie cut my check and kept looking at her fingernails like she was trying to decide if she liked the color they were currently painted.

"Steph, you alright?" she finally asked.

"Bad period," I said. I really didn't want to give a bunch of details.

"You know, there's all kinds of things you can do for cramps," Lula said. "My favorite is sleeping someplace different."

"Kind of partial to my own place, Lula."

"What I mean is I used to sleep in a chair when the cramps would be too much. Change the angle, change the pain."

"I don't own a recliner."

"A good used recliner would cost less than three pairs of pumps," Connie said.

"I'll keep it in mind. Thanks."

Why were they being helpful and concerned? It isn't like they hadn't seen me cranky before.

"Steph, we thought you'd be more excited that Ram was back," Connie said.

I'd kept them apprised of the situation while Ram was out of town. I hadn't told them about any of my epiphanies or our level of intimacy or lack thereof.

"He scares me," I said.

"That boy doesn't beat you does he?" Lula asked. "If I find out he's ever laid a finger on you, I'll open a can of whoop-ass all over him that he won't ever forget."

"Ranger's got that covered. And no, he doesn't beat me. He treats me incredibly well; too well."

"You deserve someone who knows how to treat you. You also deserve someone who knows what they want out of a relationship," Connie said.

_Who voted her the voice of reason?_

"You never did say how you two wound up together," Lula said. She'd been dying to ask, but I'd skirted the issue since they found out about him.

"How slow a day are you having?" I asked with a sigh.

"How slow do you need it to be?" Connie answered. Great a comedienne. "I can let the calls go to voicemail for a couple of hours. Vinnie is off at a livestock convention; what he doesn't know won't hurt him."

"We should order Chinese and do this over lunch," I said. _It was only 10:30, no way the Chinese place would be open yet. Maybe that'll stall this just a little._

"I'll call the order over. The usual?" Connie asked.

OK, in for a penny, in for a pound. So much for stalling.

"I'm going to call Ram; I don't want him walking in on this."

I dialed his cell and told him we'd be done some time after 1:00 and I could have Lula drop me off at my place.

"You doing any better, Steph?" he asked.

"I just need some girl talk."

The lunch order was placed and I started in on the story. The blow up with Ranger; they both thought he was a nosy SOB. The flowers and the e-mail exchanges; they thought it was romantic. The little hints of who he was without telling me anything specific; again romantic. Finally the dinner on Halloween; they both looked like they wanted to swoon.

"So, what's the problem?" Connie asked taking a sip of her soda.

"Easy, it'll be over soon and I'll lose the best thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life."

"You don't know that for sure," Connie said.

"That boy moons over you," Lula said.

Who used that phrase anymore anyway? What did it mean? What difference did it make?

"Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm right."

"And that would be because why, exactly?"

"Good things never seem to last and this is a very good thing. Possibly the best thing."

"Who makes you feel better when you're all cranky and bitchy?" Lula asked.

"He does."

"Anyone else?" Lula asked.

"Woody."

"And what does Woody do?" Connie asked. "We can guess what Ram does to make you feel better."

Probably they wouldn't guess about Ram's laying on of hands, some of the other they'd be right about.

"Woody makes me take the stones out of my bra to recharge them, then he balances me."

"Stones in your bra? Girl, that's a new one," Lula said.

"Don't knock it if you haven't tried it."

"Can you take the rocks out of your bra without Woody?" Connie asked.

"Yeah." Duh.

"OK, so take 'em out," Connie said. "Then what?"

"He has me do this thing to clear the nasty crap out of them before I put them back in."

"Can you do that in front of us?"

"I guess, but you can't make fun of me."

I removed the six or so stones from my bra and put them in a glass of water with some salt. I waited and we talked. The office phone rang several times, but no one bothered to answer it; this was important stuff.

The phone in my pocket rang, it was Ram's number.

"Hey." Pause. "We're done here. Do you want one of them to drop me home?" Pause. "Ok, I'll see you in a few."

Lula looked at me and said, "Even if you don't want to admit it to him, you've fallen for that boy."

"I know."

"They don't make 'em like him anymore," Connie said. "He's a keeper."

"I know, that's why I'm afraid to lose him."

"Quit trying to shove him out the door," Lula said. "You've got a better chance to keep him if you aren't trying to get rid of him."

Good point and well taken.

The bell over the door tinkled announcing Ram's arrival.

"Cranky, are you ready to go?" he asked smiling.

"Cranky? Cranky? Who are you calling cranky?" Lula asked.

"He means me. I'm thinking it is a hint to change my outlook," I said. I looked at him and said, "I think I like Curly over Cranky."

"Cranky suits you better today."

_Putz_.

"Got your stuff?" he asked.

"Yeah, ready when you are," I said as I removed the stones from the water and put them in my pocket.

When we got to the car, he asked, "Girl talk go ok?"

"It was good."

"Hypothetically, if you didn't have the pressure of making rent or presents for Christmas, would you be willing to spend some time with me, alone?" he asked as he opened my door.

I heaved a sigh, "Never going to happen. It seems that each month I live on the edge of financial solvency. Some months are moderately more prosperous than others. If I could afford it, sure I'd love to be alone with you. I can't, not right now."

"How angry at me would you be if I paid next month's rent and credit card bills?" he asked as he walked around the car and got in on the driver's side.

"Why?"

"Because I think you need to be away from the pressure of being here with other people pushing your buttons. Because I'd like to have some time where I'm not worried about matching up schedules. Because I've got vacation time that I need to burn. Because I'd like to spend time alone with you."

"Don't you usually spend your vacations with your son?"

"Stephanie, don't dodge me. If you didn't have to worry about anything, would you be willing to spend some time with me away from all this?"

I hate it when he's so earnest; I also love it when he's earnest. He's always presenting two sides of the coin.

I worried my lip and looked down. I'd have nothing to lose if I went and possibly everything to lose if I didn't go.

"Do you have some place in mind?" I asked.

He smiled slowly and said, "Yeah, it's a lifetime away but only about a two hour drive?"

So now he's into puzzles. Great.

"Can you be more specific?"

"Lancaster county, Pennsylvania."

"Amish country?" _There's nothing there but quilts, farms and horses._

"It's quiet, peaceful, and no one will bother us. And if there's a real emergency, it's feasible to come back. What do you think?"

"How long do you want to be gone?"

"A lifetime," he said leaning in to kiss me, "but I think about a week should do."

"What about Rex?"

"John can hamster sit."

OK.

"He's always wanted a pet, this'll be something easy for him to start out with."

"As long as Rex doesn't starve to death while I'm gone."

"Not a problem. You can give John as detailed a list of instructions as you want, gorgeous."

"Hey, what's with all the little names you keep dropping on me?"

"What? You mean the curly, princess, and gorgeous?"

"Yeah. What's with that?"

"Just trying stuff out. Let me know if you like any of them, will ya?"

"Sure."

"Thanks, kid."

Jeesh.

~x~x~

Ram took me to the cutest little bed and breakfast. And I do mean little, I think there were only three guestrooms. It was quiet, beautiful and quaint. It also had adequate heat and power; I'd been worried that going to Amish country would mean stepping back more than a full century.

He had them take the television out of the room; he didn't want any outside influences. This was time to be alone, talk and really be together. Time slowed down and so did my anxiety. I felt like I could really and truly breathe for the first time in months, it was amazing.

We did all of the touristy things in the area, saw the farms, went on a buggy ride, ate too much good food. We even went into Philly a couple of times to shop and go to museums. Always at night we returned to the safe haven of the bed and breakfast.

It felt just like a honeymoon, except for the lack of sex. Because of my period, there was some limited intimate touching for him and constant cuddling when we were in bed. Actually, it was much nicer than the honeymoon I'd spent in Atlantic City with the Dick; I'd wanted to gamble a little and see a couple of shows, he wanted to check out the showgirls.

Ram even brought pajama bottoms with him to sleep in and a robe of all things; I'd kind of expected he'd want some more adult type pursuits while we were so completely alone. He didn't; he said he would wait for the time to be right for me. The man was probably going to die of blue balls; his choice.

The last day, we took a long walk. I was really going to miss the peace and quiet of this place.

"Steph, any thoughts on this week?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's been really nice. So much better than I would have imagined." I'd expected to be crawling the walls with boredom from all of the quiet. Now I really didn't want to go back to the daily grind and sleeping alone again.

We walked to a bench and he sat me down in his lap.

"Will you miss anything?" he asked.

"You. I'll miss you," I said feeling a little needy.

"You don't have to miss me."

"Why not?"

"I'd like to know if you'd live with me."

_Isn't this all kind of sudden? What happened to dating and taking things slowly? Didn't he even read his own scripts?_

"I haven't had a lot of luck living with anyone in the past."

I'd moved in and out of Morelli's a couple of times. I'd had brief times with Ranger that always left me feeling conflicted. If I moved in with Ram, the last of my defenses would be gone and I'd surrender the little piece of my heart I was so fiercely guarding.

"What if I offered you a commitment to sweeten the deal?" he asked.

He can't be offering marriage now, can he? We haven't been seeing each other all that long and he's been gone almost as much as we've been together.

"Commitment?"

"A handfasting to be exact."

"Excuse me?"

"It's a kind of a pagan commitment ceremony. It would be where I'd promise things to you and you would make similar promises to me."

I needed to lighten the moment because this was getting deep.

"So, you'd promise to keep the lid on the toilet seat down?"

He smiled. "Hadn't thought about that. I was thinking more along the lines of I'd promise to share in your joy and help divide your pain. I'd support your decisions and choices to the best of my ability. I'd promise to always hear you out when you needed to talk. I'd promise to show you every day that I love you."

He was already doing all of that now.

"Wow."

He was everything I wanted and a lot of things I never knew I needed all bundled together in a very nice looking package.

"I know that you've had some problems with men who can't or won't commit and you don't like the idea of a traditional marriage."

I nodded.

"This is one way I can show you how committed I am without making you fit into society's little box."

"Do a lot of people show up to these commitment ceremony things?"

"Depends on what the couple wants. Some people put as much time, money and effort into it as they would for a full wedding; they even use ordained clergy so it is legal in the eyes of the state. Some people just do it when they are alone together. It would depend on what you want."

He was giving me choices all over again.

"What I'd like," he said into my ear, "would be to wait to have intercourse until we have a private handfasting."

"No sex before marriage?" I asked with a smile. I don't know if I can wait that long.

"Something like that. I'll make sure you don't suffer an overabundance of hormones."

"Do you need an answer right now?"

"No. But I'd like for you to think about it; it adds a whole layer to the relationship."

"Yeah, it does. Have you done this before?"

"No."

"But you want this with me?"

"I want what you want. I want what will bring you, us, happiness. I love you, completely and totally."

Yes. Please. Oh God. Damn it. This was so much more intense than when Dickie asked me if I 'wanted to make this shit legal' or when Morelli said 'it would be easier than constantly packing a bag if I wanted to get laid'. Ram had basically asked me to marry him, just not in the legal sense.

"Can I think about it some?"

"I'm not going away, no matter how much time you need."

Wow.

"Now to the serious stuff," he said. "I know somebody who hasn't done any Christmas shopping yet."

"I've done a lot of shopping since I've been here," I told him.

"I meant me."

"Oh."

A/N: Thanks as always for reading and reviewing ... Alf


	9. Chapter 9

Standard disclaimers and my debt to those who have beta'd continues to grow, as does my appreciation for their input.

**A****fter Samhain …  
the follow up to Nothing But Time on My Hands  
Ram's Pairing Chapter 9  
by Alfonsina**

"You are such a girl," I said with a smile.

"That's not what you were saying this morning," he said smiling back. He moved in to kiss me and whispered, "I can prove how much of a man I am if you give me three minutes alone with you."

It wasn't an idle promise, he could take me from zero to sixty in no time flat. Once he got me to sixty he could keep me there crying his name for what had to be hours at a time.

"That's not what I meant," I said checking my cheeks to see how warm they felt.

"Hey, Steph. Why do you think my dad's a girl?" asked the young voice.

_Saved by the bell._

"I've never known a man who likes to shop like your father does."

Ram leveled a look that might be intimidating to someone else, I thought it made him look kind of sexy.

John ignored the comment and started to talk to his dad about new video games and bringing up the whole paint ball conversation from a few weeks ago.

Ram said, "Let me talk to your mom and we'll work something out, even if it's just the two of us."

"Three of us, Steph needs to come," John said. "You'll cream me in like two minutes, I need backup."

"That's my line," I said. I was being invited to play. John and I were going to need to spend some time together since it looked like Ram and I were now decidedly on the fast track to somewhere.

"It's supposed to be," Ram said giving me the evil eye.

_OK. OK, so I didn't call for backup often enough._

"Yeah, yeah. I'll do better now, I promise."

John volunteered that he'd taken good care of Rex; wasn't fond of cleaning his cage and was looking forward to playing with him again soon.

"You know, I could just leave him at your dad's for a while. See how the two of you get along."

Ram's look would have melted my panties if we hadn't been with an audience. We both knew I meant I would start staying over on a regular basis. I just wasn't sure when that might happen and I didn't want to make any presumptions.

"Cool."

John helped unload most of the back of the truck. Ram put most of his purchases back into the back.

"What's with that?" I asked him quietly. "You don't want them to think you're a shopaholic or something?"

"No. I don't want anyone, especially John, to open any of the presents. His curiosity destroys most of the fun of the holidays. You don't mind if I leave them at your place for a while, do you?"

"Nah, it's fine."

Ram, John and I piled back into the truck so we could unload 'my' things. There was no way John would be able to snoop around my apartment so he might just have a couple of surprises.

The truck automatically found a parking space in the front of the building; seems all of Ranger's employees have good parking karma. I missed that job requirement, too. We each took as many bags as we could hold and trooped to the elevator. We unloaded everything into the living room.

Ram asked me to pack up the rest of Rex's stuff, which I gladly did. I've gotten a little tired of cleaning out his cage. It would be nice to be able to delegate the responsibility for a while even if the apartment would be even quieter.

"Steph, do you want help putting everything away?" John asked.

"Nope. It'll give me something to do tonight," I said a little glumly. It was just sinking in that I was going to be sleeping alone again.

"Actually, I'd like for you to pack a few things and stay the night or longer," Ram said quietly. "I'm not ready for the week to be over yet."

_Thank God. I wasn't ready to live with him yet, but I wasn't ready to be without him either. I never did answer his question about living with him._

I pulled out the makeup bag from my big duffel and packed the smaller one with a couple of work uniforms, some panties, bras and a couple of essentials.

Ram asked, "John, do you have homework tonight?"

"Already done."

There was some minor banter between the two males, it looked like their relationship was going to be pretty healthy. In some lights, John favored Ram; in others, his mother. Between the two of them, they'd created a beautiful child; the girls would surely fall over themselves to get to him when he was just a little older.

"Sugar lips, you ready to go?"

_Sugar lips? We're going to have to have a talk about his nicknames._

"I don't know who sugar lips is, but I'm ready."

When we got back to Ram's, his son picked out a DVD for the three of us to watch. John watched the movie and I snuggled into Ram's arms. I'd become accustomed to being with him, and I admitted to myself, was relieved to be with him again tonight.

When the movie was over, John went upstairs to go to bed. I still had no idea what his schedule was like in terms of which house he stayed in, but as long as they were all happy that's all that really mattered.

"You ready to go up, too?" Ram asked.

"Not really tired quite yet," I said.

"I wasn't planning on going to sleep."

_Oh. OH._

"Maybe we shouldn't with your son here."

"Steph, he sleeps like a log and I didn't say what I had in mind, did I?"

_Shame on me for making assumptions, I guess._

We closed up the house and went upstairs.

"I wanted to get your opinion on something," Ram said leading me to the bed.

"Whatever it is, I think I like it already."

He shook his head and opened the top dresser drawer and withdrew a small velvet box.

I checked to make sure I was still breathing. I was, but barely. I didn't think he wanted to get married. I wasn't sure I wanted to get married. Just how awkward was this conversation going to be?

"I found something when I was in Boston, and it made me think of you," he said. "I was going to wait until Yule to give it to you, but I think now is a better time."

He sat next to me and handed me the box. I double checked, yep, still breathing all by myself. I even lifted the lid on the box and didn't have a heart attack.

Inside was a heavy gold band with an engraved design of two hands holding a heart. The heart had a crown over it. I'd seen rings like it before, but this design was all within the borders of the band, no way for anything to snag or get caught. It would be a perfect choice for work.

Before I could splutter or make an inappropriate sound, he said, "It's a claddagh. From what I understand it's symbolic of love, friendship and loyalty."

"It's beautiful," I said.

"I'd like you to wear it, as a promise ring of sorts."

I pulled the ring from the box, it was definitely heavy for its size and the craftsmanship was impeccable.

He took the ring from me and took my right hand. "I'm supposed to say something like 'With my hands I give you my heart, and crown it with my love'." The ring slid over the ring finger of my right hand.

"It looks like a wedding ring, but nicer."

"I was serious about showing you my commitment," he said. "I know you still have a lot to think about and I'd like you to wear it until you know what you want to do."

OK.

"You know, a lot of people worry about which way the heart faces. On the right hand, with the crown facing out it means you are looking for a relationship. If it faces you, someone has captured your heart. On the left hand, facing out it means you're engaged. On the left hand when the crown faces you, it indicates you are married."

I looked down and the heart was facing me, and my heart had indeed been captured.

"I know you aren't always good with words," he said, "and either am I. When you're ready for more with me, please put the ring on your left hand."

God, he was romantic. He was offering me choices without pressure. What did I do to deserve a really nice guy?

"Should I buy one for you?"

Where was I going to find something like this in Trenton? Was the name of the jeweler on the box? I'll probably have to buy one on the web. How the hell do you spell claddagh anyway?

"Actually," he said looking a little sheepish, "I already bought it. If you don't mind, I'd like to wear it." _Why would I mind?_ "On my left hand."

"I don't mind," I said quietly as I kissed him.

He got up and pulled the second ring box from the dresser. He looked at it for a moment and appeared to make a decision.

"Would you put it on for me?" he asked.

"Sure."

I didn't look at the ring as I took it from his hand because my heart was beating in my chest. This felt so solemn, so important that I didn't want to mess it up. He took the ring and rotated it in my hand. I slipped it over his ring finger and noticed the direction he'd faced the heart; it was toward him.

"I don't need to think, Stephanie. You captured my heart a long time ago, and I've felt very connected to you since Samhain. I love you."

I nodded and kissed him; damn if he wasn't intense sometimes.

_If I understood what he was saying, he already felt MARRIED to me. _

"Would you mind if I took a bath before we go to bed? I still feel kind of grungy from the day."

"Sure, let me teach you how to adjust the jets."

The tub was heavenly and if there hadn't been a child in the house, I might have adjusted the jets for a really good time. Instead, I soaked, conditioned my hair, shaved what needed tending to and kept looking at my right hand. The ring was a perfect fit and felt amazing on my hand. I took it off and tried it on my left hand. The smooth weight of the band felt even better on my left hand than on my right. Before I got out of the tub, I put it back on my right hand; I wasn't ready to make a commitment quite yet.

After I got out, Ram used the shower and rejoined me in his bedroom and locked the door.

"Feel better?" he asked.

"Much."

"Want to feel amazing?"

_So that's what we're calling it now?_

"Definitely."

Soft kisses gave way almost immediately to more intense ones. His breathing became ragged, so he slowed down by kissing my neck and shoulder.

"Thank you for staying tonight," he whispered into my ear. "I've wanted to feel you in this bed since we bought it."

I hadn't realized, but this was the first time I had stayed in Ram's house.

"A lot of fantasies about me here?" I teased as I ran my fingers over his shoulders.

"Oh yeah. Whenever I go to sleep alone, I have fantasies about all the things I want to do with you."

"Any you'd like to share?"

"Why don't I show you one of my favorites instead?" he asked as his fingers grazed the swell of my breasts.

"You're making me hot," I breathed.

"Good. I want you so hot you'll think you're burning soon," he said nuzzling my neck.

"But I thought we were waiting to do that."

"You know there are lots of other things I can do with you; make you hot, make you ready, make you beg, make you cum."

He did exactly that several times over.

"What about you?" I asked. My own needs had been sated and Ram hadn't been up to bat yet.

"Only if you want to," he said.

"Oh, I want to."

I proceeded to get him writhing and moaning. I took him to the edge and back several times.

"Have some mercy," he moaned. "Please?"

Finally, I got him to the edge and pushed him over.

"God, you're good," he said when his breathing returned to normal.

"Thank you. Do you need to take another shower before we go to sleep?"

"No, but I'll be right back."

He went into the bathroom and did whatever he needed to do. When he came back to the bedroom he handed me a shirt and said, "You might want to put this on to sleep in."

Normally, I sleep in at least a t-shirt and panties, but right now I was feeling pretty good naked.

"Why?" I asked then reality hit me, his son was two doors down. "Never mind, you're right."

"I'd prefer it if you were naked," he said kissing me, "but I don't want you to be embarrassed if John comes in."

"Why would he come in?"

"I just don't like being caught unaware. You never know with kids."

I can buy that. I put the shirt on and resettled myself on the bed. Ram got in on the other side. I had my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat.

"Thank you," I said with a yawn.

"What for?"

"Everything. Last week and time alone with you. Letting me stay here with you. The four really astonishing orgasms."

"Astonishing?"

"Definitely. Thank you for the ring, it's beautiful. Thank you for being you."

"I was worried you'd think I was pushing you," he said moving the hair out of my face. "Don't let me push you."

"What would you push me into?" I asked.

"The county courthouse."

Oh. He did want marriage ultimately. For the first time since I was a kid, the idea of going to the courthouse didn't scare the life out of me. It actually sounded kind of nice.

"Steph, I'm serious if I start to push, let me know so I can back off."

"I'll tell you. Thank you for loving me, Evan. Night."

"May you feel safe and loved all the days of your life. Sleep well," he said as he kissed my forehead.

"Hey, why do you always say that before I go to sleep?"

"It's my highest hope for you, it's what I want to do for you. Family tradition I guess."

"You heard it as a kid?"

"Yeah, my dad used to say it to each of us every night when we were growing up. It gave us a sense of stability."

I wanted to ask if he'd ever said it to anyone else, but I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"I've never said it to anyone else, little one, just you. I told you before that you have made me think of things that I buried a long time ago. Now go to sleep."

"But…"

"Hush now, it's time to go to sleep. I love you."

I couldn't relax after he said that. Now I wanted to move the ring from my right hand to my left, but it was dark and I'd probably put it on the wrong way.

A/N: thanks as always for reading and reviewing ... Alf.


	10. Chapter 10

Standard disclaimers remain in effect … same with my eternal feelings of gratitude to those who have previewed and given their support.

**After Samhain …  
the follow up to Nothing But Time on My Hands  
Chapter 10  
by Alfonsina**

"You're kidding, you want me to go lure a woman?" I said into the phone. "I don't think I've got the equipment to do that." Pause. "Fine. I'll be ready." Pause. "See you tonight at 9:00. I'll be at Ram's."

"Ooooh, Steph, can I come and watch?" Woody asked.

"Are you on the takedown team?"

"Nope, but I'd pay good money to see you with another woman."

"Woody, you're a real pain sometimes."

"Thank you for noticing. By the way, how are things with Evan?"

"Things go well, thanks."

"I noticed the ring. From Evan?" he asked. I nodded. "Very nice and very symbolic. He's not a man who does things without thinking about them. You know, Morgan's been pestering me for something like that for a long time."

I looked down and smiled. I'd only had it a few days, but I was getting used to seeing it; it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Pretty much whenever I thought about Ram I got warm and fuzzy inside.

"I'm lucky," I said. "He's a good man."

"Thanks for that, Steph," said Lester with a wink. "I'll prove how good I am later."

How exactly do all of the Merry Men show up when I'm having a conversation anyway?

Since Lester was trying to make me feel uncomfortable, why not turn the tables on him just a little?

"So Lester, can you give me an honest opinion on something?"

"Sure thing, beautiful. What can I help you with?"

"I just found out that I'm supposed to do a distraction tonight and I need to know if you think my outfit will work."

"What's the outfit?"

"The blue number you helped me pick out a couple of months ago."

"Sure, it's a great dress. It worked the last time," he said.

"Yeah, but this time I'm supposed to lure a woman."

Lester inserted his finger around the neck of his shirt and cleared his throat. "It'll be perfect." Pause. "Who do I have to talk to in order to come to this little party?"

"Brett is heading this one up, I think."

"He owes me. If he doesn't let me work tonight, I'll get him to take pictures for me."

Jerk. Then again, this is Lester. Lester thinks only with the small head and only for a few brief moments at a time. Given his attitudes and proclivities, it's amazing he hasn't been maimed by someone's boyfriend.

~x~x~

I cut out from the office early so I could go to my apartment and pick up additional primping supplies, the dress and all the goodies that made it effective. It felt weird to begin the beauty ritual some place other than my apartment, but I'd decided to unofficially move in with Ram. He didn't ever ask me to leave or to stay; I think he thought if we talked about it I would be gone. He was probably right.

I got to his house about an hour before John got home from school. I hadn't been alone with the Jacuzzi tub where I could play with _all _the jets before. Even though I wasn't _needing_ to use them, I was dying to try them out. Before I got out of the tub, not only had all of my hygiene needs been met, but I was feeling incredibly relaxed and tension free.

I put on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt to be warm and comfy while I read the file.

Liz Williams was forty-two and had been the CFO of a local firm. On the paper things at the company looked great, it wasn't until you examined the accounting practices that you realized that she'd skimmed three percent off the top for the past eight years. Compounded over time, in a tax-free, offshore account, it was a tidy sum. One of Liz's former flames had a vengeful streak and turned her over to the board of directors and the county attorney. The bond was in excess of two-million dollars, their fear of her flight was great.

According to the file, Liz frequented a place called Nasty Habits; the local girl bar. I'd never been to a place that catered to the all female crowd. I'd been to a couple of gay bars with Sally a while back, but it really wasn't my thing. She was also considered to be butch always in search of a femme or women who were bi-curious. I guess Ranger thought I might be perfect. I was the most feminine member of the Rangeman staff and because I had a vagina I might have an in at the bar. Too bad Hector didn't speak much English and didn't like to go out in drag, I would have traded him the experience.

I knocked on the backdoor at Christina's in the event anyone was home.

"Hey, come on in," she said. Her kitchen smelled amazing, like she'd had something in the oven for hours. One of these days I was seriously going to need to take a cooking class.

"Christina, can you give me some advice?"

"Sure thing, honey, problems already with Evan?"

"No, it's nothing like that. Things are going really well. This is a work thing. You know what I do for a living, right?"

"Same thing Evan used to do, stakeouts and takedowns, right?"

"Yeah, and sometimes I do the odd distraction."

She wasn't familiar with the phrase so I gave her the briefest explanation I could.

"…So, to sum up, tonight my target is out of my norm and I'm not sure what to do."

"Why do you think I can help?"

"I thought you might be familiar with the location and could give me some advice."

"Honey, I don't swing that way anymore."

"Actually you do. I'm supposed to go to Nasty Habits tonight and I'm a little intimidated."

"Oh, it's two for one night tonight! You'll have so much fun. They've got a great DJ. Maybe I can go with you. I haven't been dancing in forever. I'll lead, I love to lead."

"Maybe we can go together next time. This time, I don't think that's such a good idea. I wouldn't want you to get hurt. I've been hurt more than once doing this."

"I was married to Evan, I know how to watch what's going on around me and how to defend my honor. I can probably defend your honor, too. Did they give you a name?"

"Liz Williams."

"That name sounds very familiar. Hang on a sec," she said picking up the phone. "Baby, it's me. Yeah, roast pork loin tonight. Did you know Liz Williams?" Pause. "Because Steph wants any information on her that might be helpful." Pause. "Ok, so when you come home, you'll talk to her?" Pause. "Thank you. See you in an hour. Love you."

"And?"

"Gloria's best friend dated her a couple of months ago. She might have the inside track on Liz. She'll make a couple of phone calls for you."

"Thanks. I'm going to do some work next door for a bit. Can we talk after dinner?"

Dinner. Crap. I was probably supposed to fix dinner for Ram. When he got off early, he cooked for me. Actually when he worked late, he'd cooked dinner for me. He'd mentioned, gently, that I could afford more shoes and lacy panties if I learned to cook. I was going to need to take a class and learn how to use knives for more than opening junk mail.

I pulled stuff from the fridge and built a couple of ham sandwiches. I discovered a can of a vegetable soup in the pantry and set it on the counter to heat closer to when Ram actually got home. OK so it wasn't fancy but it was food and it was a good effort, right?

I went back upstairs to complete the beautification process. I did the standard makeup, just a little more intense. I went for the smoky, sultry eyes and then decided I looked like a panda. I added shadows under my cheekbones to make them more prominent and decided I looked like a clown. You'd think I was fourteen and had never applied makeup for a date before. I was over-thinking what I was doing and I was doing it all wrong. I washed my face to start over at least three times.

I heard the door downstairs open and close followed by a call of 'hello'.

I opened the bathroom door and stepped into the hallway. "I'm up here."

"Hey good looking, how was your day?" he asked as he kissed me.

"It went pretty well until Tank called and announced he needed a distraction for tonight. I'm having a hard time getting ready for it. I can't seem to get the look right."

"You look more than alright. You look amazing," he said.

"You need glasses, but you're good for my ego." My hair was on rollers and I only had a thin layer of foundation on my face. I wasn't quite a blank canvas, but close.

"I've never seen you get ready for one of these, is it a big production?"

I pointed to the carnage in the bathroom, makeup boxes everywhere, lotions of all kinds, and of course the tools to tame the savage hair.

"I may need to expand the bathroom downstairs," he said.

"You're the one who wanted me here," I said.

"I did and I do; just leave me enough room for my razor, toothbrush and some after shave."

"Ass."

"You love my ass."

He was right, I did.

"Hey, why are you home early?"

"I'm part of your team tonight," he said.

"Ranger changed his mind?"

"His mind about what?"

"He told me 'no couples work together, ever' or something along those lines."

"Since Miguel had to call out and everyone else was scheduled, I'm part of your team. Do I get to come in and play 'date' with you tonight? I had a really _good_ time the last time we worked together."

God, did we ever have a good time that particular night. The thought of his kisses and the promises his fingers made that night made my internal temperature rise for days afterwards. Memories of that night still raised my temperature.

"Nope, but I'm using the same dress I used in September on a distraction with you. The blue one."

"I love you in that dress. I've got very fond memories of that dress. That dress should be bronzed somewhere," he murmured standing behind me and rubbing his fingers across my collarbone. The fingers started to wander to more interesting locations, but there wasn't enough time for that now.

"Be that as it may, if you bronze it, I'll never be able to wear it again. And tonight you can't play date since I'm going to lure a woman out of a bar."

"Will we have time to play later?" he asked sucking on my earlobe.

"Only if you're a bad boy," I said with a kiss. "But now, I need to create a masterpiece."

When I was primped, sprayed, spackled and declared the beauty process to be done, I donned the dress and emerged from the haven of the upstairs.

Gloria and Christina were downstairs with Ram. This felt strange at best.

"So you wanted to know about Liz Williams?" Gloria asked giving me the once over, twice.

"She's the target. Anything you can tell me that will make it easier?"

"Sure, look uneasy and uncertain of yourself. She likes to be the aggressor. If she thinks you're hesitant, you'll have no problems. She likes fresh meat, lots of cleavage and short skirts," Gloria said wiggling her eyebrows at me. "That dress will work nicely."

"Uncomfortable and uneasy I can do. It's so much easier picking up men," I said with a sigh. Ram made a little noise behind me. "What? I've got a couple of years of experience picking up men for Ranger." I don't think I was really helping my case any.

"Ooh, now that sounds like fun. Is he in the closet?" Gloria asked.

"No, I meant to say I lure them out and Rangeman gets them back into the system. I usually have the shortest part of the job. The guys do the hard work and the heavy lifting."

"What time are they coming?" I asked Ram.

"They aren't, I'm taking you."

"What about the wire?"

"Got it covered, I brought it from the office."

After we played a brief game of slap and tickle in the bedroom, Ram and I headed to Nasty Habits. Even though I see him in the uniform virtually every day, it still takes my breath away.

Before I got out of the car, I took off my ring and handed it to Ram for safekeeping. It was the first time it was going to be off my finger for more than a few minutes, and it made me feel naked.

He took the ring and slipped off his necklace and attached it around my neck; it was the same one I'd borrowed for the distraction before. If at all possible, it felt even nicer than it had then. He kissed me thoroughly before I got out of the car, for luck. You can never have too much luck. He turned on the mic and watched me head into the club.

It didn't take me long to find Liz Williams. The picture in her file didn't do her justice. Then again, mug shots seldom do anyone justice.

I went to the bar to get a club soda and a bowl of maraschino cherries. I put a cherry in my mouth and chewed it slowly, I had forgotten how much I liked them. Remembering part of my misspent youth, I placed the stem in my mouth and manipulated it. Eventually I tied the stem in a knot using only my tongue, all the while scanning the room for Liz Williams.

I licked my lips as I stared over the drink into the eyes of Ms. Williams. She came over, this wasn't too hard.

"Are you new in town?" she asked me. "I thought I knew just about everybody."

"No. I'm a native."

"How have I been so blind as to miss you, baby?"

"My first time," I said taking a sip.

"First time here, or first time?" she asked with a blatant leer.

"Yes to both."

"I could make you more comfortable, introduce you around. By the way, I'm Liz and you would be?"

"Michelle."

"Nice to meet you Michelle. Let's take a booth in the back," she said.

"You know, I should probably leave. I don't think this was such a good idea," I said quietly.

"No, darling, don't go. It was just going to be friendly, nice."

"Territorial boyfriend. I need to meet him in twenty minutes," I said. I made a show of looking down and uncomfortable, "He gets crazy if I'm late."

"You look edible, and I mean that in a _very good way_. I could make you forget about him."

God, she sounds like Lester or Brett.

"No really, I should go. But if you walk me to my car, I'll give you my number."

Sucker.

She put an arm possessively over my shoulder just as we reached the front doors and then pulled me in front of her. Fuck.

I did a fake stumble so I could get away from her before one of the guys took over. Well, it was supposed to be a fake stumble. In my effort to get away, I actually took a dive and shredded my pantyhose and my thigh on the broken glass of the parking lot. Good thing I take my tetanus shot regularly.

After the guys got her secured, Ram helped me up.

"Did I ruin the dress?" I asked.

"No, but you're bleeding. She didn't have a weapon, did she?"

"Must have been the broken glass here," I said pointing to where I'd fallen.

"Let me take a look at it," he said lifting the hem of my skirt.

I swatted his hands away, "This is not audience participation night."

I pointed to Lester, Brett and Erik who were indeed looking. I hadn't realized that Ranger had been a no-show tonight.

"They aren't looking at you," he said.

"Ah man," Lester called out, "you can't be canceling a free show like that. I've wanted tickets to this thing for months."

Ram said nothing but helped me to his car so he could check out my thigh in a little more privacy. "Looks like you're going to need some stitches. It's a good sized gash."

"Why don't you take me home and we can put some bandages on it?"

"Nope, you got hurt on the job, a professional should look at it. I'd call Bobby but he's out of town this week."

I sighed. "Do whatever you want."

"We probably need to make sure that we sweep for glass on your next distraction."

Jerk, but a thoughtful jerk.

"Do you have something I can change into at the hospital? I don't like looking like a damaged street walker."

"I've got spare sweats and socks in the back, just in case."

~x~x~

We were at the hospital for three hours and the triage nurse wouldn't send me home. Finally I was treated by a doctor who was so young he still had acne and it looked like his mother drove him to work.

The doctor asked me if I wanted to go over the discharge papers. I declined and said, the paper isn't good enough to use to make paper airplanes. So he handed Ram a set of instructions on how to take care of me.

"The instructions are all the same. Get rest, see your regular doctor in a few days time, and don't do that again." I said.

"It's the first time I've done it for you," he said.

"Get used to it, it'll happen at least a couple of times a year."

"I've heard."

"I'm a lousy patient," I said with a yawn.

"I've heard that, too. But I'll give you a reason to stay in bed."

"Not tonight honey, I've got a headache."

"You sure about that? I've got something that could make your headache go away."

"I know you can," I said as I dug the clothes from his emergency bag.

I pulled a sweatshirt over my head and was working my arms in the sleeves when I asked him, "So when is Yule?"

"Why?"

"Cause I want to know. It's near Christmas, right?"

"Yeah, usually the 21st or 22nd. Like I asked, why?"

"Because it is coming up and we need to celebrate it don't we?"

There were no seasonal decorations of any kind in the house, either house actually. No Christmas music had been playing, it'd been quiet.

"Christina and Gloria want to take John for Christmas to do Disney or something like that. I thought I told you about that."

"Don't you want him this year?"

"I haven't had him for Christmas since he was five or six. Yes, I'd love to, but this is their tradition. They've had reservations for months."

_I see._

"I usually give him presents around New Year, holiday sales are done and I don't duplicate stuff he's already got."

_OK._

"Besides, we could something alone for Yule."

"Sounds good."

I would have walked back to the truck, really, but Ram insisted on carrying me. It never ceased to amaze me how good it felt to be held by him.

~x~x~

I woke up in lying on top of the bed, fully clothed. Ram was laying next to me, hand on my thigh; near the stitches but not on top of them. Just like when I'd had cramps he'd made disappear, he'd taken the sting away from my skin. How does he do that?

"Hey," I mumbled when I heard an alarm going off. "Want me to get that?"

He padded to the dresser to turn off the alarm and came back to bed.

"I'm glad it wasn't a bad takedown last night," I said.

"You still got hurt."

"My own stupidity," I yawned. "It was only five stitches, not bad for me. I should probably get up."

"It's Saturday."

"Yeah, but I'm hungry. Either I'm going to need to learn to cook, or you're going to have to start to cook in advance. A sandwich for dinner isn't enough if you forget the ice cream later on."

"Do you want to snuggle?"

"No, I want to go to the bathroom and eat."

"Later?"

"Sure."

He was seeming a little needy which really wasn't his style.

I got off the bed and noticed my hand, it looked different but I really couldn't place it.

"Can you give me my ring back?" I asked. "I forgot about it last night."

He went to the dresser and retrieved the ring. I held my hand out and he put it on for me. He looked relieved; I think he thought I was having doubts.

We talked about Yule and what he'd like to do to celebrate.

"Normally, in my family anyway, we would burn a special log and talk about the year; the good stuff and the bad. We would tell each other how much we meant to each other and toasted to new and better things. Some years there was chocolate or a cake, other years not. When I was little we did apple juice, as we got older it became wine. Technically you are supposed to write down your regrets and burn them, but we wrote our hopes and dreams for the next year."

"Has it been a long time since you've done that?"

"Probably sixteen or seventeen years. When I was married, I tried to fit in with Christina's family and celebrate Christmas. I pretty much put Yule away."

"We could honor it if you want to. What do you think?"

"I don't have a fireplace."

"We can light some candles and pretend."

"Sounds good," he said.

~x~x~

I visited my mother and told her that I had come to grips with my life and I was never going to be quite what she wanted. I asked if she remembered when we all watched _Don Juan de Marco_, the old Johnny Depp movie. It wasn't a great opener, but I wanted to remind her of what she had wanted once upon a time from my father.

"Mom, I found the right man but he's not Burg; he's not even close."

She went to the cupboard and she got down a bottle and two glasses. She poured a snifter for each of us.

"He loves me completely and totally. He wants me just like I am, warts and all."

"How do you feel with him?"

"Safe, happy, content, loved."

"Is he the man of your dreams?"

No. He wasn't the man of my dreams. Ranger was the man of my dreams and probably always would be. But Ranger was a dream that would never come true. Ram was so much better than that. Ram was everything I wanted and needed and more.

"He's better than my dreams. He's real, accepting, earthy and a good man."

Grandma chose that moment to walk in the room, "So did he like my care package?"

"He opened it and he's not afraid of you."

I mentally tallied extra points to Ram for bravery facing certain humiliation.

"Has he used any of it yet?" she asked grinning broadly.

"Grandma, you'll have to ask him yourself. I can tell you that he used all the batteries."

"Yes! I knew he was an adventurous sort!"

"To replace the batteries in his flashlights."

"Damn. You girls only pick out the fuddy duddies."

_If she only knew how un-fuddy duddy he really was she'd be happy for me._

"I'll tell him you said that."

"Is it serious with this Evan fellow?" my mom asked when Grandma left.

"Yes, it is."

"Can I plan a wedding?"

"Probably not for a while."

"Can I hope?"

"Yes, you can hope."

"Grandchildren?"

"Step-grandson work for you?"

"If you love him, we'll love him. To your happiness," she said lifting her glass.

"Thanks Mom. To happiness."

_A/N: We are on the downhill slide – two chapters left. As usual, thank you for reading and giving Ram/Stephanie a chance at a different story line….Alf_


	11. Chapter 11

**After Samhain …**

**the follow up to Nothing But Time on My Hands**

**Ram's Pairing Chapter 11**

**by Alfonsina**

I made a bunch of phone calls from the fourth floor apartment to set up something nice to celebrate Yule with Ram.

I found a restaurant and ordered a fancy meal; I even got a wine recommendation. I retrieved from my mother's attic the crystal and china I had when I was married to the Dick; I hadn't wanted to keep it, but she thought I might want it someday. She was right, a formal romantic someday with Ram had come. I even borrowed a lace tablecloth that Grandma Plum had made long ago and far away.

I had almost everything arranged, I even asked Ranger to make sure that Ram had that night off. Ranger said he'd make sure Ram was off that night, but he'd be on call for Christmas Eve and Christmas if anyone had an emergency.

I talked my doctor into taking the stitches out a day early. He said he'd do it if I kept the new skin covered with some gauze for a couple of days.

~x~x~

We took separate cars to work, I told him I had some errands to run for my grandmother that afternoon; he had no questions after I mentioned her name.

The house was already neat and tidy. I picked up the meal at the restaurant and popped it into the oven to keep it warm. I put some flameless candles on the bookcases in the living room to set the mood; they don't leave a bunch of wax and can stay on all night. I set the table with the fancy linens, flatware and stemware. I went upstairs to change clothes and do my hair and makeup.

He called before he headed home; it was sweet and something my father used to do for my mother.

I sat on the sofa and tried to read a magazine until he arrived. It could have been written in Chinese for all I could make of the articles. I was nervous and about to do something I knew in my heart I both wanted and needed to do, help him start some new traditions with me.

"I'm home…" he said as he unlocked the door.

One of these days I was going to answer, "Ricky, Ethel and I…" but today wasn't the day.

"What's the special occasion, Steph?"

"Happy Yule," I said as I leaned in to kiss him hello. "Or is it Merry Yule?"

"I thought we were just going to have some wine and watch the candles," he said. "I was going to do up some steak."

"No need. Dinner's ready."

I opened the oven, removed the various items and arranged the plates.

We ate in a comfortable silence, typical for us.

"Let's take the wine into the living room," I said after we'd cleaned up the worst of the dishes.

I turned off the lights, and left the room in the candlelight. We sat next to each other on the over stuffed sofa.

"So, how do we start this?" I asked after I took a sip of wine.

He talked and I listened. I talked and he listened. He'd not had any hopes for the new year, he had expected his life to go along on course as it had always been. (I'd sort of hoped Ranger would get his head out of his ass, he did but not when I'd expected him to. Overall, Ranger was handling things pretty well.) I'd wanted to make some changes in my life and I had; they weren't necessarily the changes I thought I'd make.

"It was a wonderful meal," he said. "But big meals like that tend to make me tired. Ready to go to upstairs?"

"Sure. I want to take a bath. Wanna help me conserve water?"

He didn't answer me; he carried me up the stairs, two at a time.

~x~x~

Christmas was pretty quiet. We bought a nice quilt for the master bedroom when we were in Pennsylvania, some pillows for the sofa downstairs and some knickknacks to make the house look lived in. It wasn't extravagant, but it didn't need to be. Besides, when I tidied his dresser, I found the receipt for the rings we wore, he paid almost eight hundred dollars each. I'd loved the ring before and would have loved it if he'd only spent twenty dollars on something silver. Thing is, it made me realize that he wanted us to wear those rings for a very long time, he wasn't playing with me and that thought completely took my breath away.

It was just the two of us in the morning since he was called in to cover for one of the guys. I spent part of Christmas with my family and when I left, my mom made a plate for Ram.

"Honey, everyone deserves a special meal on Christmas."

Wow. Normally she made leftovers for me to take home; this was kind of like giving her seal of approval to Ram.

"Thanks Mom."

~x~x~

A little at a time, I'd been moving my things into Ram's house. I'd do laundry there and not take it back to the apartment. It was just the little stuff at first, it wasn't like I was marking my territory, but it was stuff to make my life more comfortable. I brought my favorite shampoo, later I brought my favorite towels, I even wrapped some things in my dishtowels and just didn't return them to the apartment.

I would go from time to time to pick things up, check the mail, and make sure my plants were dead, but it felt strange. It had been home for so long and now it felt like those things belonged to someone else, a stranger.

It didn't feel right to close my lease out without saying anything to Ram. At the same time, it didn't feel right to keep the apartment since I wasn't ever there and I could contribute more to his household expenses, not that he'd asked. Then again, he _had_ asked me to live with him but he'd never brought it up again. Maybe he forgot, maybe he hoped I'd forget.

~x~x~

In mid January we'd finally had 'the talk' about living together. I was admiring a pair of killer shoes in a magazine and Ram asked why I didn't buy them.

"Because they cost a fortune. Because I can't justify them for a distraction. Because I need to bring in a couple more FTAs this month just to make my rent."

"You know, we could fix one of those obstacles," he said sitting on the arm of the sofa.

"How? Unless you buy the shoes, they won't get cheaper for me. And I don't want you to buy me the shoes," I said. I still felt a little guilty about the outfit he bought in October, I hadn't worn it since and I know it cost him a fortune.

"Well," he said playing with my fingers, "you could move in here officially. You pretty much live here now. Do you have anything left over there?"

So he had been paying attention, more closely than I realized. All that was important that was still at my place was my brown bear cookie jar.

"There's some furniture I don't like and some out of season clothes."

"There's room here for whatever you want to keep. I can help you sell or donate the rest."

I closed my eyes and nodded. It was a big step, but not at the same time. It was simply moving a little closer to being together all the time and saying those three little words out loud.

~x~x~

The reality is that I'd been cheating. I'd been talking to him when I knew he couldn't answer me or even hear me clearly. I'd talk to him when he was in the shower in the morning, when he was at the range and had two pairs of hearing protection on, and when he was wearing headphones lifting weights. When I was sure he couldn't hear me, I'd try out the three little words to see how it felt to say them. If he didn't hear me, they couldn't be used against me, could they?

One night when he was almost asleep, I whispered into his chest that I loved him.

"What'd you say, honey?" he mumbled.

"Just saying how much I love it when you put your hand on top of my hip when I go to sleep."

He moved his hand down to the spot I liked and murmured, "It was a long day, time to sleep."

"Love you," I said. I had been practicing the two words and could say them and the world hadn't stopped spinning, but the three still stuck in my throat.

"Shh. I love you, but cranky old men need to sleep," he said and with that he began to snore.

~x~x~

I was reading a book in the living room while John was finishing his homework. His moms had a date and Ram was working a surveillance shift. I made a gourmet meal of peanut butter and olives on white bread; the young must be trained to fully enjoy culinary masterpieces.

At 8:30 my cell rang, I'd expected it to be Ram, it was Tank.

"Yo," I said.

"Stephanie, there's been an accident," he said. "Ram's …"

I was trying to breathe. I lost my ability to multi-task in two seconds. I couldn't listen and breathe at the same time. My world was crumpling and there was nothing I could do about it. This was one of my worst fears; I was with a man who loved me, we were happy and now God was going to take it away from me. My other worst fear was that I'd wake up one day to find out this whole thing had been an hallucination and had never really happened.

"… Hal will be there soon to take you to the hospital," he continued.

"No, I'll drive."

"Hal's already on his way; you won't drive. Woody'll meet you there."

I called Christina's cell and asked her if she could come home. She offered to pick me up and take me to the hospital. I told her it would be better if she was home with John, someone else would be looking after me.

When Hal arrived, he looked grim. Hal looked grim a lot. I think he was always trying to figure out if someone was going to try to get the drop on him. Just because I'd done it once a long time ago didn't mean I'd do it again.

"You ready, Steph?" he asked.

"We need to wait for Christina," I said. I didn't want John to be alone and I knew I could be at the hospital for hours.

Ten minutes later she arrived. Hal promised someone would call her to keep her updated.

I grabbed my purse and jacket and nodded at him. It was time to get this show on the road.

The ride to the hospital was silent. Normally the quiet would have made me fidgety and nervous. I was already a bundle of nerves and couldn't track the thoughts in my own mind. It was a relief to let someone else be in charge for a while.

Hal dropped me at the Emergency entrance to the hospital while he parked the car. There were two new Rangemen in the waiting room. I was being viewed like the grieved widow. Fuck.

I went to the check in desk to see if they would give me any information. All they would do was confirm that they'd taken him back and he was being tended to but nothing else. God damned privacy laws; they protected his privacy to be treated but that was pretty inconvenient right now.

I joined the guys in the waiting area and fiddled with my purse, my jacket, and my ring. I accidentally dumped my purse when I was looking for change; I needed a candy bar and I needed it now. Doughnuts are my drug of choice, when they aren't an option milk chocolate is a handy substitute.

I put a dollar bill into the machine and tried to get out a Snickers bar. It's the best of all possible words: salty, sweet, chocolate, nuts. The machine took my dollar and the bar moved in the slot but wouldn't fall. I pounded and kicked and the candy bar stayed in limbo. Woody came up to see what my problem was, banged the machine for me and smiled as the chocolate tranquilizer fell from its perch.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Ranger's in Atlanta, Tank's got the control room, so I'm here for you. Tank knew I'd come anyway. The front desk is being tight lipped about Ram and won't say anything. They'll only talk to his wife or next of kin."

"Great, I left his wife at home," I muttered.

"Christina's not his wife. He thinks of _you_ as his wife. If you tell the front desk you're his wife, they won't question you."

I looked down and was suddenly very aware there was no adornment on my left hand, not even a watch.

"Steph, if you're so worried about having a ring, just move the one from your right hand over. No one will know except you and me."

He was right.

"If it's really bad news, what am I going to do?"

"Evan's strong, he'll be fine."

"If they let me go back, will you go with me?"

He squeezed my shoulder and walked me back to the triage desk.

"I didn't realize you were his wife," the nurse said after Woody made the announcement "And you would be?" she asked Woody.

"Brother."

They did look alike and they didn't; same big muscles, similar smile, same calm attitude. Close enough for me.

"And all of them?" she indicated the guys in their work uniforms matching Woody's.

"Family."

"Right," she said. "But you _are_ the wife?"

I nodded. If I didn't say anything, I wasn't lying to either myself or the hospital administration.

"He's assigned to a bed but has been taken out for some tests," she said.

I nodded and went to sit with Woody.

"We're going to be here a while," he said.

"Thanks for being here. Do you need to call Morgan so she can be here with you?"

"Nope she understands that I'm here for you," he said as he kissed my forehead. "Close your eyes."

One of the few times in my life, I obeyed.

"Mrs. Ramsey?" asked a voice trying to break through my dreams. "Mrs. Ramsey."

Woody shook my shoulder gently and said, "Steph, that's you."

I opened my eyes and tried to focus on the green scrubs and white jacket in front of me.

"Mrs. Ramsey, you can come back to see him now."

"How long will he be here?"

"We can discharge him tonight. He's got soft tissue damage and bruising, but there's no real reason to keep him."

"What were the tests for?"

"Internal bleeding. He's clear."

"Oh. But he's fine? He can come home?"

The doctor nodded at me. "Someone will be by shortly to review the discharge paperwork and instructions."

After the doctor left I looked at my teddy bear and asked, "Woody, what happened?" I'd pretty much decided to sleep through the commotion in the waiting room, it was easier emotionally; as a result I had no real idea what brought Ram to the ER.

"Black ice. Ram lost control of the vehicle on his way back to the office. He drove it into a ditch."

"Was anyone else with him?"

"Brett."

"Was he hurt?"

"Just bumps and bruises. He called the police and for an ambulance. He didn't want any medical assistance at the scene, but Ram was unconscious for a little while."

A lifetime passed that night. I'd lost at least four days from the initial phone call from Tank until I got to see Ram. According to the watch on Woody's wrist, it was more like five hours.

I called Christina to let John know that Ram was just pretty banged up. I talked to Tank to let him know what the current situation was, and I called the bond's office and left a message for Connie that I wouldn't pick up any files for a couple of days; if Vinnie didn't like it, he could stuff it.

Lying on the gurney, Ram looked small, pale and drawn. Odd that a man well over six foot and built so powerfully could look small, but that's how he looked against the white sheets. His eyes were closed and he looked peaceful but with a tiny bit of tension in his face. I couldn't tell if he was awake, asleep or just heavily drugged; it didn't matter, he was here and I could touch him.

I went to the bedside and brushed his hair from his forehead and kissed it.

"Hey, you aren't supposed to go around scaring people," I said my voice not sounding like my own. "That's my job."

I stroked his hand and played with his ring, examined all of the machines, took note of just how small the area really was and was grateful there wasn't anyone on the other side of the curtain. I found a box of tissue, the scratchy kind that has got to be cheap because all the hospitals use it, and blew my nose. I figured if I had a tissue to my nose, no one would notice if I put it up to my eyes to dab the tears that had formed there.

"I've never been so afraid in my life," I said. "I don't want to be without you anymore. You've become my world." I then proceeded to whisper how much he meant to me, how he'd improved my life and just how much I loved him. I also told him that I'd do his commitment ceremony just as soon as he got out of the hospital, if that was what he still wanted.

I finally said the three little words and said them with conviction, "I love you."

He let out a deep sigh and all the tension drained from his face.

~x~x~

The next day, I kept him in bed and did searches for the office from home. I didn't think he'd need me, but I wanted to be sure of that for myself.

I made a pot of my 'famous' chicken soup, a la Campbell's, around noon to see if he was up. He was dozing.

"Did you mean it?" he asked when he realized I was there.

"Mean what?" I hate it when people reference a conversation I've long since stopped thinking about.

"That you love me," he said.

I'd never gotten the words "I love you" all the way out of my mouth when he'd been awake and alert. I usually whispered it to him after he'd fallen asleep and that time in the hospital. The fully aware, awake and alert declaration hadn't been officially made.

"Yes. Do you want cheese and crackers with your soup?"

He patted a space on the bed next to him, "Lay down next to me, please."

I climbed onto the bed and put my head on his shoulder. I put my left hand on his heart, thankful for its strong, regular beat.

He picked up my left hand and played with the band. He looked puzzled up at me.

"I changed hands when you were in the hospital," I said.

"Oh." He sounded very disappointed.

"They wouldn't tell me anything unless I was your wife."

"Oh." Again with the big words and difficult meanings.

I looked into his eyes and realized what he wasn't wanting to say. He thought I'd been playing a game and the gesture was meaningless to me.

"I'm ready for the commitment now, if you still want that," I whispered a little afraid of what might happen now that I'd said it.

He asked, "If I hadn't been in an accident last night, would you still want it?"

I nodded my head. "It just made me realize how much I want to do that."

He closed his eyes and he was out like a light, a small smile on his lips.

~x~x~

When I brought up a sandwich and some applesauce for dinner I asked, "So when do you want to do it?"

"Do what?" he asked.

"The commitment ceremony thing, the hand whatever it was."

He smiled gently. "Handfasting. If we do it just between the two of us, we _could_ do it now. If you want people to come watch and make it formal, we can do it some time down the road. No matter what you choose, I'd like to be able to get out of bed first." He gave me a look; I wanted him to be quiet for the day and he wanted to reload ammo in the spare room.

"Can we do it now?"

"Are you sure?" he asked.

I nodded.

He was quiet for what felt like forever. He was thinking about something long and hard.

"Don't you want me?" The words were strangled as they came out. _God, he didn't. We were merely playing house and he was rejecting me._ I started to twirl the band around my finger, getting ready to move it back to the right hand and feeling miserable about it. _I'm going to have to look for a new apartment soon. I'm going to have to redo my budget and get strict about my spending again. I'm going to have to…_

His hand covered mine so I'd stop fidgeting.

"No, Stephanie, love, that's not it. Really, I'm just surprised. It makes me incredibly happy. I just don't want you to regret it later because you felt pushed into this."

"I'm positive," I said. "I've thought about you, me, all of this and what it would mean since Pennsylvania."

"I think we should wait…"

Not waiting again, please! Hadn't we been waiting long enough already for pretty much everything?

"No. I don't want to wait, really. I want this. I want you. Please?" I leaned over to his ear and whispered, "I love you." The words were out loud, sort of, but were still hard for me to say.

He put his finger against my lips to quiet me.

"I was going to say, why don't we wait until I've been medically cleared for more strenuous activities?" he asked waggling his eyebrows. "I'd really like to be able to bed you properly after we've done it."

_Bed me? People still talked like something out of romance novels?_

"If you want," I said. "You know, I'd be more than willing to drive, so to speak."

He wasn't even supposed to do _that_ for a few more days; too many bruises and sore spots. Maybe we should wait a couple of days.

"I want it more than I ever wanted anything. I've been trying to go slow and not to pressure you," he murmured stroking my back over my clothes. "I'm not very good at the slow part."

"You're better at it than I am."

~x~x~

Ram picked an actual date to do the handfasting; February 2, Groundhog's day. He said it was a date I was likely to remember, besides it was a match to his calendar a holiday called Imbolc.

"Any particular reason you want to wait until then and not do it now?" I asked.

"Sure, Imbolc is the celebration of hearth and home. I'd like to think of this as creating our home together 'officially'."

Wow.

~x~x~

We went to a fancy little French bistro for dinner. He wore a sports coat with nice slacks, I wore the dress he'd gotten me for Halloween; it felt like that was a lifetime ago.

In a lot of ways, it was like he'd cast a spell over the evening. Everything went off without a hitch. The restaurant was gorgeous and the food spectacular. I looked over the desert menu and while it was tempting, I had an idea of what it was that I really wanted for desert and it wasn't on this menu.

When we got home, it wasn't a race upstairs, but there was no dallying downstairs either. We simply made sure the downstairs was still secure and then headed to the bedroom.

He put his hands over mine and he asked, "Are you ready to do the handfasting now?"

I nodded and I licked my lips. This was a really solemn thing for him and I didn't want to say anything stupid. "Please."

"I want to do this skyclad," he said looking me in the eye. "Sorry, it means naked, clothed only in the sky."

Naked sounded more than acceptable to me, in fact, it worked nicely with my goals.

I was in no mood to go slowly. I immediately began by removing his jacket and tie; they were lovely to look at but prevented me from getting to my goal, skin. Tonight was a night where there would be no games, no obstacles, no looking back; it was a night of certainty and new beginnings.

"You are amazing and wonderful," I said pulling his shirt out of his pants. My fingers made pretty fast work of unbuttoning his shirt. "You were saying 'skyclad', so basically you want me naked?"

"I want you naked all the time," he said as he unzipped my dress. "But for our purposes tonight, naked is another way to present to the deity, the universe, that there is nothing between you and him, her or it."

"So people who put on their Sunday best?" I asked as I unfastened his pants and worked the zipper down.

"In my eyes they're trying to impress a deity that's more concerned about sincerity than about style. Are you ready to do this? You can still back out," he said as he helped me step out of the dress.

"I want to do this, I need to do this. It's important for both of us," I said taking off my shoes and thigh high hose.

He lit a small candle and closed his eyes. We each helped the other out of our remaining clothes, no extra touching, no talking, no kissing. He did some things with a bowl of water a knife and some other things, but I wasn't really paying attention. Time had ceased, there was just him moving in silence looking incredibly happy.

He came back to where I was standing and put both of my hands in his. He ran his thumbs over my knuckles; it was supposed to be soothing, but it had me nervous.

"Stephanie, when I look at you, I see the goddess I am devoted to and love: beautiful, radiant, amazing, accepting, perfect."

I couldn't look up at him. Evidently he'd hurt his head in that accident and his vision had been altered. I shook my head at him, no.

He nodded back and said, "Yes. You are, you are all that and so much more. Now I want to make my promises to you."

I bit my lip and looked at him. Catholic weddings are easier, you know what is expected and don't have to think or respond to things on the fly.

"I promise to love you in all things, without reservation or hesitation. I promise to comfort you in times of distress. I promise to help you grow and gain confidence in any endeavors you attempt. I promise to keep you safe from harm and love you more each and every day. You have my fidelity, my loyalty, and my heart for all time. _You are the love I've waited for my entire life._ It is my wish to be bound to you. My heart to yours, my soul to yours, my body to yours, forever and always."

It sounds stupid, but I started to cry almost as soon as he started to talk. No one could see us or judge us, but I was out of my league. I hadn't thought about anything eloquent or how to put words together for this. I was going to have to wing it and it sounded like he had been practicing for weeks; maybe he had.

He wiped the tears away with his fingers and kissed me.

"Are you OK?"

"Happy tears."

I stepped back so I could get a better look at him. He'd been promising me forever almost from the beginning and I hoped what I had to offer was going to be enough.

"Evan, you make me believe in myself in ways no one else ever has. You make me want to be a better person and to be open to new experiences. I promise to love you even when I sound cranky. I promise to support you in any way I can. I promise not to runaway when I'm afraid. A long time ago, OK it seems like a long time ago, someone wanted me to make a list of what I wanted in the perfect partner. I was told I'd get what I asked for, something different or something more. I got so much more than I ever could have asked for. You astound me daily. I don't give you as much as you give me, but I hope that my heart is enough."

"It's so much more than enough, Stephanie." He put his forehead against mine and whispered a question. "Do you really want to be bound to me?"

"Yes," I said as I gave him a small kiss. "Do we need to do anything else?" I worried my lip again. I wasn't sure quite what I'd gotten into, but I never really know, do I?

"Some people use cords to bind their hands together, but this is all we need. I think it's time for some serious worship to begin," he said kissing me and walking me backwards toward the bed. "By the way, I couldn't help but notice _things,_" he said as his hand passed my nether region.

I had gone to the salon two days before and waxed _everything_ all over again. I figured he could be really bad in a really good way tonight. In some ways doing it the second time was worse than the first time. First time, I had no idea what I was getting into; the second time I knew I'd need pain killers after the fact and still didn't think about taking them until it was over. Maybe I've got a thing for pain? Nah.

"That's kind of a present for you, since you missed it the first time around. I won't be doing it again soon, so you'd best enjoy it now."

"Steph, what you just did was my present. You," he said kissing me, "being here with me is a present everyday. I think you're incredible."

"It was your idea," I said.

"Initially but you didn't have to do it, even though it means the world to me."

He kissed me slowly and carefully like it was the first time and in a lot of ways it was. In the past the kisses, strokes and touches had been amazing, but there was something about this that elevated it to an entirely new level.

"Thank you for loving me," he whispered.

"That's my line."

"Any special requests or aversions?" he asked rubbing his thumb across my cheek.

"No butt stuff. And I'd prefer to see your face when we make love; it's more connected that way."

"Good, because I love looking into your eyes. I want to see your face the first time my body joins yours," he said. He kissed just under my ear, "I love watching you when you let go."

I liked that too. Actually I loved pretty much everything we did together.

"Anything you like to do to me?" he asked brushing his knuckles across my nipples.

There were any number of things I liked to do to him.

"Do you want me to tell you," I asked as I ran my fingers down his chest, "or would you rather have me show you?"

"Tell me, please," he said moving his hand down my side, over my hip and across my bottom.

"I love how your skin tastes and smells. I love hearing the change in your breathing when you are at the point of no return. I love knowing I can push you over the edge, that you can lose your carefully guarded control."

He purred, "I love it when you do that. Should we explore what else we might both like?"

"Please."

We took turns touching, tasting and exploring every part of each other's body. In the past, he'd been much more thorough than me, tonight it was my turn to play catch up.

I was about to lower my head to do one of his favorite things when he stopped me.

"Tonight, I'd like to see if we can finish together," he said as he moved me back up his body.

It seems that in a lot of things Ram isn't traditional, but he wanted to be traditional in this.

He rolled on top of me and balanced most of his weight on his forearms.

"You know," he said kissing me, "this is actually my biggest fantasy."

_Missionary? I would have thought he'd fantasized about a different position. Don't get me wrong, I like missionary and I can be pretty proactive in that position, but it seemed kind of tame considering what he'd said in the past about his sexual history._

"You, me, together becoming one. I've wanted this to be special for both of us on every level," he rasped, "spiritual, emotional and physical."

He nudged himself between my thighs, which I gladly parted. All of the previous exploration and fun had been just that, to him this meant that I was really and truly his. He looked me in the eyes as he slowly, much too slowly, pushed his way inside.

"You feel exquisite," he said as he started to move. "So incredible."

I had no words for that, I mean thank you just isn't necessarily something you say at a time like this, is it?

"You're beautiful," I said as I brushed the hair out of his face. I moved my hands up and down his spine and felt the rippling muscles in his back. When I got to his ass, I pushed. He took the hint and entered me the rest of the way.

It took no time to find our rhythm. Each time he sank into me, I felt whole, complete, connected and overjoyed. Each withdrawal made my body ache in longing for him; it was its own form of grief. The cycle of fulfillment and loss was repeated over and over; each time was emotional as the first. I realized I'd never felt this way before with anyone, not really. The slow easy pace went on for what felt like hours, exercise does have some benefits, I guess.

For all of the talking Ram did before hand, he was now devoid of words or commentary, just the occasional grunt or noise. One particular thrust hit the perfect spot and I moaned.

"Are you OK, baby?" he asked coming to a stop.

"Perfect. You're perfect. This is perfect," I drew out the words. "I love you."

Those words must have been what he wanted or needed to hear to increase the tempo. The long, slow thrusts were replaced by faster, harder ones. The friction, the weight, the fullness of it all became overwhelming and had me on the edge but I didn't want to go over alone.

"Evan, I'm close, I want to…"

"Let me help you," he said as he put his fingers between us and rubbed where we were joined.

I know I made some kind of incoherent noise when I came, but I was alone in it. He was still moving over me and hadn't broken his rhythm, yet.

I pulled his head down and kissed him hard. "I thought we weren't taking turns," I said.

His rhythm increased and became decidedly more powerful, strong, almost forceful. He threw his head back, arched his spine and let out a noise I'd never heard from him before. If it wasn't such a serious moment, I would have teased him about sounding like a lion.

He sank down on top of me and kissed me slowly.

"That was amazing," I said as he rolled off.

"So you think it was worth the wait?"

"Yes, Mr. Ramsey, I'm glad you held out."

"I hope you can feel how much I love you," he said kissing my shoulder.

Actually I could. While technically it wasn't too far afield from what I may have done in the past, emotionally it was a whole different level. It was like my heart had shattered all its walls and barriers and was able to fly free for the first time.

"Do you love me enough to sleep on the wet spot?" I asked.

He wrinkled his nose, but started to get out of bed to trade me places.

"Get back in here, I just wanted to check," I said as pulled him down kissing him.

"Maybe we could make a wet spot over here, if you aren't too tired," he said nipping my neck.

"Sounds like a good offer to me. Are you up to the challenge?"

He didn't answer me, he showed me instead.

A/N: thanks as always for reading, reviewing and supporting an alternate pairing....Alf


	12. Chapter 12

_The standard disclaimers all apply … only the plot is mine._

_To Cat, Deb, Harmne, Katbaby, Letha, Magdalync, Vicki: you have been amazing and supportive throughout this little adventure of mine. Knowing you were behind it from the beginning gave me the courage to write this 'little' piece. Thanks for the love and kindness, I wouldn't have done it without you, any of you._

_To Kate Manoso: Babe, you always encouraged me to get in touch with my inner Merry Man Tart, thank you. You have helped me open myself to more possibilities than I would have previously imagined._

**After Samhain …  
the follow up to Nothing But Time on My Hands  
Ram's Pairing Chapter 12 – END  
by Alfonsina**

April …

I was sitting on the sofa drooling over another pair of shoes in a magazine. I had done my taxes and his taxes and was feeling pretty poor since I'd mailed out my check. I couldn't claim Rex as a dependent, I didn't own a home, and my medical expenses were low for the first time in years.

"Those are nice," he said looking over my shoulder. "You would look fantastic in those."

"Yeah," I said blowing out a sigh. "Another pair I'll never own."

"I think you've probably got enough shoes."

"That would be like me telling you that you have enough guns."

He gave me a look of mock horror.

"Well," he said kissing the top of my head, "I've run some numbers, if you want to take a look. It might increase your shoe budget, a little. You'll have to tell me what you think."

I followed him upstairs to the computer desk. The tax program was already loaded to the desktop.

"Don't tell me you're auditing the taxes, we've already mailed them," I said.

"Nope, but it gave me an idea," he said.

He walked me through his deductions and compared his to mine, which didn't win him any bonus points in my world. Then he walked me through 'our' deductions and the potential refund if we filed jointly. The difference financially was significant and would positively impact us both.

"But the only way we could file jointly…" I said looking up at him.

"Would be if you were to marry me," he said quietly.

I looked at him and looked at the screen. He squeezed my shoulder and left the room.

I had a lot to think about. I mean, we'd been doing so well the way things were, I didn't want to rock the boat. At the same time, there was a formal side of me that wanted to have a commitment the rest of the world knew about and would respect. I knew that no matter what happened or didn't happen, I wouldn't lose him. The fear of marriage and commitment had been mine; it had never been an issue with him.

I took off the ring from my left hand and studied it. It felt perfect on my hand, smooth and comforting. I twirled it around to look at the design that repeated thrice around, so the heart was never far away. I had never looked at the inside; then again, I seldom took it off. I peered at it, there was an inscription. "Please marry me" it read.

I went to the top of the stairs and sat with my head on my knees, ring in my hand.

"Please marry me," I whispered to myself over and over.

Other than the one night of a distraction months ago, I hadn't had the ring off of my hand. It hit me that he'd probably had the ring inscribed before he gave it to me in December. He most likely thought I was ignoring him.

For a man who didn't say things he didn't mean, I wondered if he still meant it. At this point, we were bound to each other by love but not by law. Was that enough for me? Yes, probably always would be, but the conventional part of me did like the societal standard. Was loving each other enough for him? Maybe not, he had told me he didn't want to push but also mentioned a courthouse the night he gave me the ring.

I didn't hear him come up behind me. He crouched next to me and said, "Someday never happens, now does. If you compound all of the 'nows' you get forever. I love you now and forever more, Stephanie. You just now found the inscription?"

"Yeah."

"I figured you noticed it months ago and you were ignoring it."

"I would never ignore something like that. I just never saw it. I don't take off the ring, my hand doesn't feel right when I do."

"Ah," he said. "I thought you'd figured I was just a hokey old guy and you were sparing my feelings."

"Nothing hokey or old about you, Evan."

"Admit it, you do think I'm old fashioned sometimes."

Well, he was a little old fashioned in the bedroom; he liked to think he was in charge. Usually it boded well for me, so I didn't push the matter. He was always opening my doors and the like. He liked to take care of me, but he had gotten much more subtle the longer we were together.

"Only in the best possible ways," I said.

"I need to go back to work on some unfinished projects in the garage," he said. "I should probably leave you alone to think."

"Do you still want to?" I asked.

"Yes, I want to but I don't need to. A piece of paper won't change anything between us, who we are or how we feel."

But it might. It gave me the legal right to be the other half of him. It might give us things to fight about. It might draw a line in the sand.

On the other hand, it might not change anything. We already shared a house, a life, interests, values, love. We'd committed ourselves to each other freely. In a lot of ways we already were married, we just didn't have that little piece of paper.

Maybe.

I tried to read a book, watch TV, even look up some fancy quote about marriage on the internet. I couldn't settle down and I couldn't calm myself; I know because I tried for a whole ten minutes.

I wanted to call Mary Lou, but it didn't feel right. Connie and Lula wouldn't have been much help either. My mother was out of bounds, she'd call Father Christopher from Our Lady of Perpetual Guilt, Grief, Responsibility and Procrastination within five minutes and have him to the house in ten. My grandmother would make up another care package and include a digital camera this time. Val wouldn't be any help because she'd been tricked into marrying Albert.

It was a decision I needed to make on my own, with some help.

I went to the garage and saw him sanding an old wooden trunk.

"Got something on your mind, angel?" he asked as he turned off the sander and took off his hearing protection.

"Quite a lot actually."

He nodded at me while he changed paper to a finer grit.

"How would you see it happening?"

"The wedding or the being married part?"

"Either."

"The being married part would be pretty much like what we have right now. Except your name goes on the house. You're already the beneficiary on my life insurance policies and named in my will."

_I didn't know that._

"Other than that, life wouldn't change too much. You already have three quarters of the closet and most of the bathroom."

_Just because that's true means nothing._

"What about the actual wedding?"

"Oh something small and civil. We've already done the religious portion of it," he said.

True, for him we had indeed done the religious part and it had proven to be significant to both of us.

"I've already done the big dog and pony show before," I said.

"So have I."

"The people I've known who've spent the most on the actual wedding and reception haven't necessarily been happier than people who had something simple and small."

"We could do whatever you want, or we could do nothing at all."

I needed to stall for time.

"Can I get you a glass of water from the kitchen?"

"That'd be nice."

I went back inside, put some ice in a glass and filled it. Did he still want to do this, really? He was acting almost too casual about it. I was beginning to think about being a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs; I was beyond nervous.

I returned to the garage after about five minutes.

"I thought you forgot about me," he said accepting the glass from my hands.

"How could I do that?"

"So, what do you think of the trunk? I've dragged it around for years."

"Very nice. Where're you going to put it when it's done?"

"End of the bed, all chests go at the end of the bed," he said looking pleased at his progress.

"What are you planning to keep in it?"

"What I've kept in it for a long time; my hopes and my dreams."

"_You_ are more sentimental than I am." I looked at him and he was the same unflappable man I'd spent so much time with on the range. He still didn't pressure me about things or make me uncomfortable if I reached conclusions that weren't the same as his. "Can I add my own?"

"Hopes and dreams? Absolutely. Any you want to talk about or does it make them less powerful to you when you talk about them?"

"No, I can talk about them," I said as I sat on a bench next to him. "I hope that we'll still be happy in twenty or thirty years."

"Sixty."

_Sixty? I'm going to have to start to take better care of myself._

"Ok, sixty years. I hope that no matter what happens, we will always be able to talk."

"That's a given."

"My dreams are pretty simple, some nice shoes, a good hair day now and again, and an amazing man to spend my life with."

"I think I might be able to help with some of those."

"You have an in with the hair gods? I should have talked with you earlier about this stuff," I said as I ruffled his hair.

He kissed me. "Anything else?"

"Yes," I said quietly.

"Yes to what?"

"Yes, I'll marry you. But simple, quiet and fast. OK?"

"Absolutely," he said kissing me deeply. When we came up for air, he asked, "When?"

"I think it should be on one of your big holidays," I said smiling broadly.

"Why?"

"Easy, it will guarantee me great sex on our anniversary and you won't be able to forget the date."

"I can't argue with that," he said. "So next Halloween then?"

When I really thought about it, we'd started corresponding not quite one year ago at the end of May. Once we'd both stepped out of the shadows, things had moved really very quickly. The man who wanted to date me took me out a handful of times and moved me in with him in less than two months. No reason to slow things down now, was there?

I also knew that May 1st was coming up again and I'd be in for a treat; thank the Goddess for religious holidays. From what I remembered, sex was a big part of the May 1st holiday. Ram was spectacular in bed, a very giving lover and it was mind blowing.

"How about May 1st?" I asked.

He smiled at me, "I would have thought you would have wanted to wait."

"No reason, really."

"Let me show you something," he said taking his ring off.

I looked at his hand and realized he hadn't taken his ring off since I'd put it there months ago.

The inscription took two lines and was tiny "fell in love Samhain 2008, married Beltane 2009".

"Really? You fell in love on Halloween?" I asked.

"Actually, yes. I didn't realize until after Samhain how much I could love you, but I surrendered my heart that night."

Oh my God.

"Were you feeling psychic about the married part?" I asked pretty amazed at what I saw.

"No, but it is my fondest dream and my biggest fantasy."

"Even more than when I do that thing you like behind your…" I started to ask.

"Different kind of fantasy, wise ass. You're ruining a romantic moment here."

"Sorry."

"You really do want to marry me?" he asked.

"Yes, Evan, I do."

The beginning

A/N: I hope that you enjoyed the Stephanie/Ram pairing ... thanks for the support and reading and reviewing.


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